Interview prep.

Let's just say you do a search for interview prepping via Google. You come up with the top 10 interview questions. I ask you... how many people have actually heard these questions come up in an interview?:

1. What are your weaknesses?
2. Why should we hire you?
3. Why do you want to work here?
4. What are your goals?
5. Why Did You Leave (Or Why Are You Leaving) Your Job?
6. When Were You Most Satisfied in Your Job?
7. What Can You Do for Us That Other Candidates Can't?
8. What Are Three Positive Things Your Last Boss Would Say About You?
9. What Salary Are You Seeking?
10. If You Were an Animal, Which One Would You Want to Be?

Come Thursday, I'm going to let you know how many of these questions they asked me. I can very clearly understand some of them, but others, really? If you were an animal? I am... technically... an animal. Let's be clear about that. What context are we talking about in the animal scenario? In bed? In the kitchen? On the road? Really. I'll chameleon out if you ask me to, jump around from one animal to another given the right situation. Whatever.

Should I answer these the way I want to answer them? Probably not, but here goes nothing.


1. What are your weaknesses?

Honestly? Belgian waffles... with strawberries and whipped cream. I could honestly do just about anything to get one.

2. Why should we hire you?

I need a job and you have one open.

3. Why do you want to work here?

You're the first person who called me. I can do the job. In fact, not only can I do the job, but I can assess and evaluate the way things are being done and probably improve on them, given that I care enough. Chances are, I will care enough... if you pay me enough. We'll see.

4. What are your goals?

Gaining employment, getting out of debt, winning the lottery to I can traipse around the world on my own free will, love someone forever and perhaps learn how to make really good chocolate later on in life.

5. Why Did You Leave (Or Why Are You Leaving) Your Job?

I quit my job. I'm kind of a dumbass for doing it, given that it was in education (recession-proof industry) and I thought it would be a good time to "find myself". I thought I was being a winner, a hero. I wasn't. I'm just poor now.

6. When Were You Most Satisfied in Your Job?

When I was leaving. Actually... there was the occasional Friday where I had a two hour lunch, that was pretty great, too.

7. What Can You Do for Us That Other Candidates Can't?

I can obsess completely over the nitty-gritty bullshit that no one else cares about. I can also draw a pretty slammin' bunny on microsoft word. Ah, AND I have a cat that plays fetch. She'll come and hang out sometime; we'll do lunch.

8. What Are Three Positive Things Your Last Boss Would Say About You?

a) complains when appropriate
b) affordable
c) she quit

9. What Salary Are You Seeking?

More than you can afford.

10. If You Were an Animal, Which One Would You Want to Be?

Lion, giraffe, cheetah, lynx, gnat... given a variety of situations.



Who thinks I'll get hired?

Labels: craps, gin rummy, interviewing, jobs, nap time