Dingo Breakfast
A yawn, a leak, and a good look around.
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
• Past lives
When something in life goes wrong, do you destroy all evidence of it? Do you tear it up, throw it away, rip it apart, destroy it in every manner possible, eeech, even delete it?!?!
I've recently discovered that I'm just not of that mindset. It's as if you're denying it ever happened, that there was a moment in your life (or many moments) that mistakes were made. It's as if you're denying the very existence of many things that make you who you are. I know that some things are painful, some memories are hard to take, but elimination of them in the physical sense probably means that it has made an indelible mark on your heart, a scar, a painful reminder every time the evidence crosses your path.
It's okay to embrace those things. To remind yourself that you are sorry, that other people are sorry, that mistakes have been made and it isn't anything new to human nature. More importantly, sometimes the reminder, physical or otherwise comes back around years later and you have to either run from it or embrace it when it stares you in the face. I wish that I, personally, had not made some of the selfish mistakes/decisions that I have in my life, that I could have refrained from hurting other people, the people who were closest to me, but for whatever reason, I couldn't and I'm sorry. I keep some physical reminders, actually... many. Everyone has the box in the back of the closet, in the basement, under the bed, hiding the evidence that someone may have loved you and then hurt you terribly. We hang on to things, we destroy things, we delete people from our lives and yet... how can we deny their existence in our lives? Can you? Would you?
Would you deny that someone in your life had ever been present? That they had had some kind of effect on your life and the person you have become?
Thank you to Rachael, for coming back around in my life. We made a lot of mistakes together and she still had the strength to come around and say that we could work it out as friends, almost 8 years later. You give me faith that even in my failures, I can hope that the foundation of my friendships might overcome the pain I have brought to many people in the past year.
I've recently discovered that I'm just not of that mindset. It's as if you're denying it ever happened, that there was a moment in your life (or many moments) that mistakes were made. It's as if you're denying the very existence of many things that make you who you are. I know that some things are painful, some memories are hard to take, but elimination of them in the physical sense probably means that it has made an indelible mark on your heart, a scar, a painful reminder every time the evidence crosses your path.
It's okay to embrace those things. To remind yourself that you are sorry, that other people are sorry, that mistakes have been made and it isn't anything new to human nature. More importantly, sometimes the reminder, physical or otherwise comes back around years later and you have to either run from it or embrace it when it stares you in the face. I wish that I, personally, had not made some of the selfish mistakes/decisions that I have in my life, that I could have refrained from hurting other people, the people who were closest to me, but for whatever reason, I couldn't and I'm sorry. I keep some physical reminders, actually... many. Everyone has the box in the back of the closet, in the basement, under the bed, hiding the evidence that someone may have loved you and then hurt you terribly. We hang on to things, we destroy things, we delete people from our lives and yet... how can we deny their existence in our lives? Can you? Would you?
Would you deny that someone in your life had ever been present? That they had had some kind of effect on your life and the person you have become?
Thank you to Rachael, for coming back around in my life. We made a lot of mistakes together and she still had the strength to come around and say that we could work it out as friends, almost 8 years later. You give me faith that even in my failures, I can hope that the foundation of my friendships might overcome the pain I have brought to many people in the past year.
Labels: friends
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