I went to Peet's Coffee today. I ordered a cafe au lait, loaded it with cocoa and sugar. I used their internet.

A man came in and he was carrying a baby duck in his hand. Why? God only knows. He ordered a vanilla chai and didn't bother to grab a heat grip to prevent burning his empty hand. The baristas eyed him, unsure of whether or not they should make a scene about the tiny live animal, so publicly displayed in a food establishment. I had to know why a man would possibly come in carrying a baby duck. I followed that man.

He got into his car and turned a corner. He went to Whole Foods, purchased some fruit, some vegetables, and some pasta. He went to the mall. He wandered from store to store, but I could still spy the duck lump in his pocket. He went into Banana Republic and purchased a sweater (angora). I couldn't quite understand the ethics or logic of caring for this tiny duck and purchasing an angora sweater. Go figure. He was short with the cashier, denying the opportunity to open a Banana Republic card with far more force than necessary. We exited the store. He walked the mall some more, rode up and down the escalators and window shopped. He stopped at Auntie Annie's and purchased cinnamon pretzel sticks. He stopped in the restroom and it took him several minutes to come back out. I wondered if he had noticed me following him. I wondered if the duck shit in his pocket. He probably deserved it, buying the angora sweater and all.

He finally emerged, carrying his Banana Republic bag, but had discarded his Auntie Anne's leftovers. He stopped at the gift wrap desk in the mall. He handed over the sweater and asked for the red paper and a gold bow. Someone asked me a question. I lost focus. She was standing there, in front of me, "Where is the food court, do you know?!" No, woman, stop distracting me! I'm obviously completely enraptured by this man's affair with miniature poultry. I pushed her aside and saw the man walking right towards me, bag in hand. I was standing near the exit, right next to a soda machine. I pulled a dollar from my pocket and quickly began flattening it, as if to shove it into the money slot because my curiosity had gotten me so parched. As he passed by, his arm brushed mine and it spun his bag a bit. I had only a moment to notice that there were now two boxes in the bag, one slender and long, the other small and square, about the size of a snow globe. "Watch it," he hissed.

The lump in his pocket was gone.

Labels: boredom, ethics, this story is entirely untrue, useless blog