Today, I'm allowing myself to be frustrated and angry and sad. I am getting to a point where I feel so ill equipped to find work, to find an employer who thinks my skills are actually worthwhile and that my aptitude can outshine any serious flaws or holes in my skill set.

I feel like such a fucking sourpuss. Sorry to be such a Debbie Downer. Especially on such a special day. Congratulations, President Barack Obama!

Labels: 2009, Barack Obama, change, state of unemployment

I'm in an interesting place.

Everything around me is kind of floating in time and just... hovering. Where was I? I forgot what I was writing about. It's been a slow and quiet week of just waiting, wondering, questioning, enjoying my time, and spending time with people I am really starting to enjoy. I just feel very wrapped up in love, wrapped up in caring and not really sure how I'm supposed to pick it up and carry it with me.

You know... I am waiting and watching and listening and learning. I have found myself in a comfortable place where I'm fighting to stay - I can feel myself stopping and starting, rejecting it for no apparent reason, and I have to find a way to stop doing that. If I don't, I'm going to end up hurting people who definitely don't deserve being a part of the stupid shit I put myself through. So! This week... I will be at the gym every day (as opposed to the lousy twice a week from the past two weeks). I will find somewhere to volunteer some of my time. I will rewrite my cover letter and resume to match each job I apply for this week.

Eh? How cool is this?


P.S. I love being on unemployment. :-D

Labels: 10:2, 2009, change, friends, jobs, state of unemployment

Why? Because it's really what is going to get me some income. I'm lacking it completely. Focus.

I'm supposed to be packing, moving, finding a job, starting a business, working on editing and proofreading a book, marketing a book tour, and still look good doing it. Am I? Not sure. I'm doing a lot better at sitting on the couch waiting for all of it to happen for me. This is bad. Last time I was unemployed, I felt I was actually productive, effectively talking to a lot of people, getting things done, but this time, when things don't happen quickly enough, I just get frustrated and stop. I'm hoping this state of flux will let up a bit when I move all my stuff into storage and just focus on the big stuff, instead. We'll see. I'm already feeling naked without all my clothes available to me.

Oh! Hey! I was contacted by a venture capital group on the east coast who were interested in putting some money into music related ventures. I'm pretty friggin' excited about that. I sent them my exec summary and am waiting to hear back. I'm also prepping my presentation for some big name VC groups... I'll be sending out my packages to them in the next few weeks. Eek.

Did I mention I'm terrified? Don't tell anyone, though, that'll ruin my good name. ;-)

I should go to the gym. That would make me feel better. Ciao for now, I'm out to swim in the pool to make my life more sunshine-y. Or something.

Labels: 2009, boredom, business, concern, entrepreneur, jobs, lazy, start-ups, state of unemployment, useless blog, working out

At least I'd like to think so.


This weekend was absolutely stunning, the weather was warm and sunny, I spent almost a solid 48 hours out and about and enjoying the beautiful January weather in California. Friday night, I was up in the city to go dancing with some friends - always entertaining to see your friends get trashed and silly.

Saturday, I went for a hike in the morning, worked on cleaning up debris in the backyard of my friend's new house, came home to watch some football and take a nap and then ended up wandering the beaches of Santa Cruz all the way up to the Half Moon Bay area in order to catch some truly extraordinary shots of the largest full moon of 2009. Sunday included football, breakfast, minigolf, more football, dinner, and some Wii tennis...


My life is rough.








Back to life as I know it now, I'm relaxing with the window wide open, working on my business plan as I prepare for my meeting with SCORE reps next week, applying for jobs, packing and enjoying a Wii break every other hour or so.

Labels: beach, jobs, weekend, west coast

I'm going to be completely honest here. Whatever is going on with the job market these days is complete bullshit. Jobs I applied for, and thought I was honestly qualified for, are now being reposted after a month on the job boards. Now, I'm not even trying to toot my own horn, here, or anything, but I know I am qualified to be, at the very least, a marketing coordinator. We're talking entry level marketing. There is no reason why these people aren't calling me and I don't really understand what employers are looking for, especially now that jobs I saw posted at the beginning of December are being posted again. Wtf?

I'm obviously more than a little agitated. I'm in a place where I am much more qualified for the jobs coming up here, I've been able to convince one company to take a chance on me... If only I could get the interview, I'll have the job. I know how to make the interview work in my favor, but I am so sick and tired of rewriting my resume to make it 'stand out'. It's crap. I've gone from 4 pages to 1. I've highlighted accomplishments and not just job descriptions. I have written cover letter after cover letter for each prospective employer, and I'm sick of doing it already... that may have something to do with my lack of enthusiasm this time around (unemployed 2 times in a year? That's un-possible!). I'm tired of this. At least (thank god) I'm getting unemployment this time. It's something. I can live... for awhile.

Who wants to take a nap with me? In the sunshine? It's not so bad. Really.

On a bright now, I'm almost done wrapping up my presentation to the Founders Fund. I'm terrified.

Happy weekend!

Labels: entrepreneur, interviewing, jobs, over it, state of unemployment

Maybe I'll become Ed Norton in Fight Club and go start hanging out at therapy groups. I'm so over this unemployment bullshit.

So far, I've even tried to get retail gigs, and as it turns out, my unemployment earns me more money per week than any retail job I've found so far. I think the only job down here that has the possibility of getting me any significant amounts of money (outside of a real job, that is) would be cocktail waitressing. Maybe. In this economy, it seems silly to even try working at a restaurant - I haven't been in a restaurant that is full since I moved to California. Kind of crazy, if you ask me.

So far, I've had about 10 people contact me directly regarding a position at their company and I've had significant contact with 6 recruiters who have positions they think I am well qualified for.

And yet, not a single interview scheduled.

What the F is going on here.

I'm going to the gym to sit in the hot tub and make myself feel better. Don't you wish you were unemployed? ;-)

Labels: business, interviewing, jobs, over it, recession, state of unemployment

Seems I may have fallen off the face of the planet there for a bit. Sorry about that.

New Years was fabulous, the recovery was even better. The next four days were spent doing a combination of lazy things and very active things. Thursday was a very lazy day - sleeping in, relaxing, letting other people make dinner, watching everyone recover (haha), watching tv... Friday? Hmmm. I don't really remember Friday very well. I know I showered... I think I went out and did some other things. Not really sure what that was, though. Hmmm... if I remember, I'll be sure to let you know. Weird. Friday is a total blank at the moment. My friend Ron bought a house down in San Jose so Saturday, a bunch of us went down to work on doing some home-wrecking. Watched football, made dinner and then stupidly lost a lot of money playing poker. Just to make myself feel better about my losses, I stayed up until some ungodly hour Sunday morning chatting with a friend, got three hours of sleep, had some brunch, watched even more football, showered, then went to celebrate friends' birthdays.

Seriously, wtf did I do on Friday? Oh! I went up to the city, had lunch with my friend/former coworker and caught up a bit, then came back down to the South Bay to socialize with the crew... That was actually the night I made dinner and we watched more football. Ultimately, the entire weekend turning into one big mishmash of food, friends, couches, and unexpected conversations. It was a fun, drama-free weekend. I couldn't ask for more, really.

I love 2009 already. :-D

Labels: 2009, football, friends, lazy, sleep, snack foods, weekend

I am safe.

Last night was fabulous! Faaaaaaaabulous! Everyone got together, got dressed up for a "black-tie" affair, enjoyed some amazing karaoke at Julie's Supper Club, and a very interesting crowd at our friend Cynthia's "black-tie" (right, notice the quotes??) affair, and thrilled to be happy, surrounded by wonderful people, comforted, loved, and kept warm by everyone and everything around me. Yes, even as I was driving home at 4am. Yes, even as I was waking up at 7am... 9am... 10am... 11am... 2pm... I really couldn't have asked for a better way to ring in the new year. I am absolutely surrounded by love.

Can you tell I'm still sitting here, grinning from ear to ear like an idiot? I've waited for a very long time for this year to come. It will be the best year of my life and I'm totally ready to welcome it!

Labels: 2009, California, change