Dingo Breakfast

Political Rant a la Senate Crap du Jour

2010-12-10T20:25:00.000-08:00

Let me get this straight.

On Monday, Senators should vote in favor of this new tax cut deal because "it's the best we can do right now."

*Ahem*.

REALLY! That's the best you've got? I would love for Republicans to step forward and show the American public what the top 2% of earners in the US have done with the money they have saved with this tax deal in the last 8 years. I would LOVE to see how that money has been spent, how it has benefited this economy and brought more jobs to the table thus far. I want solid, concrete examples of how this money has been used to bring about a more productive economy. I want to know what their plan is to use that money in the next 4 years. I don't want a promise that that is how they will do it, I want it written. It's like handing a college student a winning lottery ticket and then saying, "Oh, you shouldn't cash it in until you promise to finish school first. You promise you'll finish school, right?" Screw you, Mom, you already handed me the ticket!

The fools are the ones who believe that this tax cut deal is in the best interest of everyone involved. Who is going to pay off this debt, knowing the taxes needed to pay it off aren't coming in? In a few years, we're back at square one, backed into a corner, and ten and twenty years down the road, our children are right there all over again.

I am a great supporter of extending unemployment benefits for those who need them the most. But this is really the best you can do, Senators?

THINK BETTER.

WORK BETTER.

WORK HARDER.

THINK TOGETHER AND MOVE FORWARD TO MAKE MONEY WORK FOR THE PEOPLE IN A STRONGER WAY.

How do you take the money of the richest Americans and build jobs for those who need the jobs the most, the 99'ers - guaranteeing them employment? How do you shift and redistribute the unemployment rates without uprooting families? If you're going to guarantee these tax cuts, how do you guarantee that the money they are saving is used in a way that most benefits this economy? What is the plan and why aren't you telling us about it?

Facebook User Experience Gone Wild

2010-12-08T17:25:00.002-08:00

Sometimes I sit and ponder things a bit too long and then I start to ramble. Does that happen to you, too?

I'm one of the few who haven't made the change to the new Facebook profile and for several good reasons. I know that they're making this valiant attempt to jump into this realm where photos and video are rulers and the era of social sharing is dominated by what we see, not what we talk about, however, I still believe I need to have a say about things (as defined here, in my blog that I'm resurfacing after a year of being silent).

Dearest Facebook, if you're going to bring photos and videos to the forefront of the user experience, then make it better than this garbage. Don't drag me off to another page to view the larger photo. Don't make me go somewhere else to comment on the photo. Find better ways to give me more information about items on the page that are relevant to me. You're giving me this strange paragraph of information below the user's name that tells me some information about them, but really? It looks terrible and like something that was created out of a DOS system in 1990. And thank you for making me take one extra step by having to click on another button to communicate with my friend . It's been awhile.

Lame.

You slacker.

2009-05-19T18:52:00.000-07:00

Meh. So what if I've ignored my blog for two months?

Truthfully, I haven't really found anything entertaining enough to share until I found this. I really want to live next door to the guy; I'd totally feel protected.

Rock.

Oh, and I started a business. Bizz-nasty? That's why I've been busy, psh!

Wanted:

2009-03-05T14:13:00.000-08:00

a house with just a few cats and a dog... minus the mess
your forgiveness
you to stop haunting my dreams
more opportunities and less frustration
a vacation that actually feels like a vacation, airplanes, beach, annoying tourists and all
more time in the car, going places with you
motivation to work out
hummingbirds that will eat out of the feeder I put out
ingredients and good recipes for French pastries
to have dinner with my family
a big bouquet of lisianthus
to open a chocolaterie
to stay as still as it can

Remember

2009-02-11T15:14:00.000-08:00

I joined the San Francisco Lyric Chorus this week, excitedly so, since it gives me something to do and they actually think I have some talent (I was offered a solo at my audition, squee!), and I think this may be my favorite piece we perform this season. Check it out:

Remember
Christina Georgina Rossetti. 1830–1894

Remember me when I am gone away,
Gone far away into the silent land;
When you can no more hold me by the hand,
Nor I half turn to go, yet turning stay.
Remember me when no more day by day
You tell me of our future that you plann'd:
Only remember me; you understand
It will be late to counsel then or pray.
Yet if you should forget me for a while
And afterwards remember, do not grieve:
For if the darkness and corruption leave
A vestige of the thoughts that once I had,
Better by far you should forget and smile
Than that you should remember and be sad.

Holding on

2009-02-05T22:13:00.000-08:00

No matter how much you want to shake things up, you'll still need to acknowledge the limitations that are currently part of your life. It won't always remain like this, even if you can't see a clear path that leads toward your ideal situation. The harder you try to reach your goal now, the farther away it appears. Paradoxically, releasing your grip on the future is your best assurance of getting there on time.

[Tarot.com Aquarius Horoscope]

Frustrated

2009-01-21T00:00:00.001-08:00

Today, I'm allowing myself to be frustrated and angry and sad. I am getting to a point where I feel so ill equipped to find work, to find an employer who thinks my skills are actually worthwhile and that my aptitude can outshine any serious flaws or holes in my skill set.

I feel like such a fucking sourpuss. Sorry to be such a Debbie Downer. Especially on such a special day. Congratulations, President Barack Obama!

wrap your arms around me, love

2009-01-19T00:46:00.000-08:00

I'm in an interesting place.

Everything around me is kind of floating in time and just... hovering. Where was I? I forgot what I was writing about. It's been a slow and quiet week of just waiting, wondering, questioning, enjoying my time, and spending time with people I am really starting to enjoy. I just feel very wrapped up in love, wrapped up in caring and not really sure how I'm supposed to pick it up and carry it with me.

You know... I am waiting and watching and listening and learning. I have found myself in a comfortable place where I'm fighting to stay - I can feel myself stopping and starting, rejecting it for no apparent reason, and I have to find a way to stop doing that. If I don't, I'm going to end up hurting people who definitely don't deserve being a part of the stupid shit I put myself through. So! This week... I will be at the gym every day (as opposed to the lousy twice a week from the past two weeks). I will find somewhere to volunteer some of my time. I will rewrite my cover letter and resume to match each job I apply for this week.

Eh? How cool is this?

P.S. I love being on unemployment. :-D

Focus

2009-01-14T13:48:00.001-08:00

Why? Because it's really what is going to get me some income. I'm lacking it completely. Focus.

I'm supposed to be packing, moving, finding a job, starting a business, working on editing and proofreading a book, marketing a book tour, and still look good doing it. Am I? Not sure. I'm doing a lot better at sitting on the couch waiting for all of it to happen for me. This is bad. Last time I was unemployed, I felt I was actually productive, effectively talking to a lot of people, getting things done, but this time, when things don't happen quickly enough, I just get frustrated and stop. I'm hoping this state of flux will let up a bit when I move all my stuff into storage and just focus on the big stuff, instead. We'll see. I'm already feeling naked without all my clothes available to me.

Oh! Hey! I was contacted by a venture capital group on the east coast who were interested in putting some money into music related ventures. I'm pretty friggin' excited about that. I sent them my exec summary and am waiting to hear back. I'm also prepping my presentation for some big name VC groups... I'll be sending out my packages to them in the next few weeks. Eek.

Did I mention I'm terrified? Don't tell anyone, though, that'll ruin my good name. ;-)

I should go to the gym. That would make me feel better. Ciao for now, I'm out to swim in the pool to make my life more sunshine-y. Or something.

R&R leads to employment

2009-01-12T14:22:00.000-08:00

At least I'd like to think so.

This weekend was absolutely stunning, the weather was warm and sunny, I spent almost a solid 48 hours out and about and enjoying the beautiful January weather in California. Friday night, I was up in the city to go dancing with some friends - always entertaining to see your friends get trashed and silly.

Saturday, I went for a hike in the morning, worked on cleaning up debris in the backyard of my friend's new house, came home to watch some football and take a nap and then ended up wandering the beaches of Santa Cruz all the way up to the Half Moon Bay area in order to catch some truly extraordinary shots of the largest full moon of 2009. Sunday included football, breakfast, minigolf, more football, dinner, and some Wii tennis...

My life is rough.

Back to life as I know it now, I'm relaxing with the window wide open, working on my business plan as I prepare for my meeting with SCORE reps next week, applying for jobs, packing and enjoying a Wii break every other hour or so.

Wtf, job market?

2009-01-09T15:10:00.000-08:00

I'm going to be completely honest here. Whatever is going on with the job market these days is complete bullshit. Jobs I applied for, and thought I was honestly qualified for, are now being reposted after a month on the job boards. Now, I'm not even trying to toot my own horn, here, or anything, but I know I am qualified to be, at the very least, a marketing coordinator. We're talking entry level marketing. There is no reason why these people aren't calling me and I don't really understand what employers are looking for, especially now that jobs I saw posted at the beginning of December are being posted again. Wtf?

I'm obviously more than a little agitated. I'm in a place where I am much more qualified for the jobs coming up here, I've been able to convince one company to take a chance on me... If only I could get the interview, I'll have the job. I know how to make the interview work in my favor, but I am so sick and tired of rewriting my resume to make it 'stand out'. It's crap. I've gone from 4 pages to 1. I've highlighted accomplishments and not just job descriptions. I have written cover letter after cover letter for each prospective employer, and I'm sick of doing it already... that may have something to do with my lack of enthusiasm this time around (unemployed 2 times in a year? That's un-possible!). I'm tired of this. At least (thank god) I'm getting unemployment this time. It's something. I can live... for awhile.

Who wants to take a nap with me? In the sunshine? It's not so bad. Really.

On a bright now, I'm almost done wrapping up my presentation to the Founders Fund. I'm terrified.

Happy weekend!

Boredom

2009-01-08T13:05:00.000-08:00

Maybe I'll become Ed Norton in Fight Club and go start hanging out at therapy groups. I'm so over this unemployment bullshit.

So far, I've even tried to get retail gigs, and as it turns out, my unemployment earns me more money per week than any retail job I've found so far. I think the only job down here that has the possibility of getting me any significant amounts of money (outside of a real job, that is) would be cocktail waitressing. Maybe. In this economy, it seems silly to even try working at a restaurant - I haven't been in a restaurant that is full since I moved to California. Kind of crazy, if you ask me.

So far, I've had about 10 people contact me directly regarding a position at their company and I've had significant contact with 6 recruiters who have positions they think I am well qualified for.

And yet, not a single interview scheduled.

What the F is going on here.

I'm going to the gym to sit in the hot tub and make myself feel better. Don't you wish you were unemployed? ;-)

Whoops!

2009-01-05T10:37:00.000-08:00

Seems I may have fallen off the face of the planet there for a bit. Sorry about that.

New Years was fabulous, the recovery was even better. The next four days were spent doing a combination of lazy things and very active things. Thursday was a very lazy day - sleeping in, relaxing, letting other people make dinner, watching everyone recover (haha), watching tv... Friday? Hmmm. I don't really remember Friday very well. I know I showered... I think I went out and did some other things. Not really sure what that was, though. Hmmm... if I remember, I'll be sure to let you know. Weird. Friday is a total blank at the moment. My friend Ron bought a house down in San Jose so Saturday, a bunch of us went down to work on doing some home-wrecking. Watched football, made dinner and then stupidly lost a lot of money playing poker. Just to make myself feel better about my losses, I stayed up until some ungodly hour Sunday morning chatting with a friend, got three hours of sleep, had some brunch, watched even more football, showered, then went to celebrate friends' birthdays.

Seriously, wtf did I do on Friday? Oh! I went up to the city, had lunch with my friend/former coworker and caught up a bit, then came back down to the South Bay to socialize with the crew... That was actually the night I made dinner and we watched more football. Ultimately, the entire weekend turning into one big mishmash of food, friends, couches, and unexpected conversations. It was a fun, drama-free weekend. I couldn't ask for more, really.

I love 2009 already. :-D

Welcoming 2009!

2009-01-02T00:39:00.000-08:00

I am safe.

Last night was fabulous! Faaaaaaaabulous! Everyone got together, got dressed up for a "black-tie" affair, enjoyed some amazing karaoke at Julie's Supper Club, and a very interesting crowd at our friend Cynthia's "black-tie" (right, notice the quotes??) affair, and thrilled to be happy, surrounded by wonderful people, comforted, loved, and kept warm by everyone and everything around me. Yes, even as I was driving home at 4am. Yes, even as I was waking up at 7am... 9am... 10am... 11am... 2pm... I really couldn't have asked for a better way to ring in the new year. I am absolutely surrounded by love.

Can you tell I'm still sitting here, grinning from ear to ear like an idiot? I've waited for a very long time for this year to come. It will be the best year of my life and I'm totally ready to welcome it!

Dear 2008:

2008-12-31T17:03:00.000-08:00

Thank you for giving me the opportunity to clean out... well... everything. It was awful. The first half of the year was awful, but the second half did a lot to change my mind about life, love, friends and my future. So, with that, good riddance, 2008. I'm ready to leave behind the bullshit you offered and take the good things you gave me into 2009.

Cheers!

The 10:2 Revolution

2008-12-28T20:09:00.001-08:00

My dear friend Kundayi began the 10:2 Revolution on Facebook, the 10 most important 2-letter-words:

"The 10:2 Movement: (Ten two letter words)

5 years ago I embarked on a journey to unify my envisioned self with the reality of who I am. I was in an impoverished nation ruled by a dictator and crippled by the corrupt and shameless regime. I imagined myself in America at the best and largest contemporary music college in the world. With no funds and resources I drew up a practical plan to accomplish my goals, the most immediate being to attend college in the United States. I arrived in America in the fall of 2003 with $12.00USD in my pocket. 5 years later I'm still here and working on graduation in May '09, then it's off to Grad School in the Fall.

The process of becoming was not limited by the lack of resources in my "local situation", but it was fueled by the passion to unite my dreams with the reality and bring them to the NOW moment. Most importantly it was the understanding and personal positive confession that said "IF IT IS TO BE, IT IS UP TO ME.": I called it the 10:2 (ten two letter words).

As we all prep for for the next "move" in our respective journeys let us form relationships and engage this dream exchange program: converting positive imaginations to reality and grind towards our maximized potential.

Each week we will share principals that I have utilized and all members will chime in as we strengthen our determination, execution and ability to productively move forward.

We will do so through this online motivational and accountability forum/network established to ignite a blazing camaraderie among and between individuals seeking to maximize their potential and live out their professions, calling, vocation and a maximized life......NOW.

BOTTOM LINE:

At various intervals in life we envision and imagine the sort of individual we aspire to be: Our best-self. The best-self Physically, Economically, Socially, Professionally, Vocationally, intellectually and so on.

Relentlessly pursue the translation of vision into reality. If it is to be, it's up to you!"

I joined this group and, as you've seen with my 2009 resolutions, have begun to think about these things a bit more. Kundayi also asked us to identify "At my best, I am...", identifying our true goals. I am still trying to hash that out, but I had a go at it and this is what I came up with:

"At my best, I own and operate my own business. I am helping musicians grow and develop, I am enjoying my life because I have face time with the people I am helping and I am employing others who have the same hopes and dreams for these individuals pursuing their dreams. At my best, I am fluent in four languages. At my best, I am a kind, attentive friend who is able to listen without judging and give without expecting anything in return. At my best, I am debt free and give what I can to others who are in need. At my best, I am a mentor and a student, I am speaking when I need to be heard and listening when it is my time to be quiet. At my best, I am a musician, a pianist and a writer. At my best, I am helping my family get their feet planted in a new place, in new careers with new goals. At my best, I am in love with my life, my friends, my family and my lover. At my best, I am accepting love from those who give it to me freely and giving unconditional love to those that don't know how to accept it."

What are you like at your best?

A few more resolutions...

2008-12-28T18:52:00.000-08:00

11. No more fried foods - I've realized that the pattern I have of getting somewhat violently ill seems to fall right on the same days I eat very poorly... I think my body is flat out rejecting fried food. Not good. So, we'll see how long it will last, but no french fries, no chicken fingers, no fried nothin'. *sigh*
12. Cook one good, solid meal a week that will leave me with leftovers for at least three more dinners.
13. Make at least 10 new professional contacts per week.
14. Return to doing more volunteer work - at least twice a month, if not weekly volunteer work.
15. Teach someone something new every week; in return, hope that I will learn something new from him or her.

:-)

I'm sleepy. Perhaps #16 will be to take more naps.

Worry about you

2008-12-27T22:08:00.000-08:00

I worry about you. I wonder if you're okay when I don't talk to you for days at a time. There's something in your voice that breaks and I don't know why you won't tell me what it is - maybe you don't even know what it is, but that bothers me even more. I hate that I can hear it in your voice and you just don't seem to know what to do. I'm not even concerned about what was going on between us before, I'm just worried about you.

I feel like you don't want me to ask or know, so I've tried to stay out of the way a bit more than I normally would... I worry that you're burying whatever it is that is bothering you and not dealing with it. I know I don't know you that well, but you were so open before and so closed now... maybe that's because our roles have changed. At the same time, I wonder if that's just the way you always were and you just slipped up when I came around.

I just don't know. But I kinda miss you.

2009 Resolutions

2008-12-27T21:14:00.000-08:00

1. $1M by the end of February 2009
2. $3M by the end of July 2009
3. $6M by the end of December 2009
4. Weekly abs class with Mr. Cameron
5. Okay, the 6 minute mile isn't going to happen quickly. Let's say a 7:30 mile by May 2009
6. Yosemite's Cloud's Rest in Spring 2009
7. Grand Canyon sometime during Summer 2009
8. Make it back to Boston in March and perhaps August... maybe 4th of July?
9. Make it a priority to work on my Spanish and French every week - as in, schedule myself time for the lessons 6 days a week
10. Begin my trade business - complete 25 trades by the end of June 2009; 50 additional trades completed by the end of December 2009

Hmmm... these are tough. I might have to detail them out in my next few posts. It's funny. I have to say that I'm glad I've gotten back to (almost) daily posts. It helps to hash out a bunch of other things I have going on in my head and gives me some good practice at writing out things I'm thinking. Stay tuned...

Commitment

2008-12-25T23:38:00.001-08:00

"All games they play
Undead and awake and returning within
You are a devil, they say and it's candy
How long I've known this seed burst and grown
You're the one that I love
You are the one that I trust, and it's candy

When they speak of the open door
And the way you've flown, it's fine
When they show me the evidence
And they're talking down your memory
Never mind the words they waste
They can't see you're mine
Waiting here until words run out
Dreaming of the day when you
Open your arms in the light of our love."

"Rain Song" - Sunny Day Real Estate

I used these lyrics to title one of my recent posts and the song itself was part of that post's play list. I was thinking back on memories of someone I love very much and created a play list of music that reminded me of our good times together and how good it felt to hear those songs when we spent time together. But I'm using it this time in a very different context.

Today, I thought back on the Christmases I have experienced in the past ten years. Many with family, one holiday season that I discovered that I could see myself marrying the man I was in love with and having his children, one holiday that the man that I loved announced that he loved me, too. Many where I was surrounded by families that were not my own, but treated me with as much love and care as they did their own family. I was blessed enough to spend not only last weekend with my own family, but Christmas Eve and Christmas with new families who also welcomed me with the same amount of love and affection.

This year has been difficult, frustrating, sad, and extremely trying for me. Challenges that were beyond anything I had ever experienced before faced me day after day after day for months on end. I have never been so overwhelmed in my entire life and for the better part of this year, I had only my family and a few close friends on which to rely. I have spent a long time punishing myself for some pretty terrible things I have done to other people I love very much, but today, an old soul reminded me of a few very important things:

"I know the things you have done. I have listened to your story. I have heard your confessions over and over again. I have seen you punish yourself and wonder what more you can do, but you have apologized. You have made extraordinary efforts to ensure that your apology was heard, but you can't force anyone to accept an apology. You can only move on and know that you are working to change. You have already made extraordinary efforts to change who you are today. You have walked in sadness and mourned your loves for a year. You have carried that sadness the length and depth of this country. But you have also begun to grow, you have moved on to a place where you can grow as a professional, as a friend and as a lover.

You have found amazing friends who love you unconditionally, knowing all these things about you and your past, and knowing that you have made some serious mistakes in your life. Your family still loves you unconditionally, knowing the things you have done to others and reminding you (often, but affectionately) that you can't keep f-ing up like that and/or that the things that you have done are forgivable when the people you are asking forgiveness of are ready and at some point, you have to forgive yourself. Defining a new place of honesty is a challenge for you, but you don't have to tell everything to every new person you meet. You just become that person that you want to be and you leave these people who don't know the person you are now, you leave them behind. Maybe, just maybe, they will wonder about you one day and seek you out to ask how things have changed for you. Maybe they will wonder what kind of person you've become and they may even discover that you were closest to being the person you wanted to be while you knew them, you just fell prey to bad habits for some time. If you're lucky, they'll realize that you have worked as hard as you have to become the person you always wanted to be. You have love. You are love."

My horoscope for 12.18.08:

"You may be a bit uncomfortable if someone brings up a sensitive emotional issue that you cannot casually sidestep. Paradoxically, your attempts to avoid unfamiliar terrain can actually be more difficult than just taking a deep breath and diving in. Even if you are surrounded by complex emotions, stay focused on active listening and then express what you feel. You'll come out of an intense interaction with a sense of renewed vigor and appreciation for life."

On 12.18.08, I also received the following message:

"This is about being family. We take care of each other. Nothing is more important.

We know you are having some rough luck and we are here for you. Life is too short not to take care of one another.

You are a great addition to our group. Good things are soon to come."

This note included a gift beyond anything I ever expected from people I haven't known even six months, a group of unnamed people that I am absolutely... glad, lucky, thrilled, enthralled, ecstatic, fortunate, happy, and grateful to call my friends.

The combination of all those things lead me to believe that it is time to say this out loud. In 2009, I will forgive myself. This sadness cannot continue. I owe that to myself and to the people around me who have done so much in such a short period of time to show me how they love. I will not continue to mourn the things I have lost when I have gained so much. I have fallen completely in love - with everything, with California, with my friends, with the probability (no longer the possibility) that I will start my own business here, with the future of my family in California, with the travels that await me, with the opportunities I have to continue my growth into the person I've always wanted to become.

I will not forget 2008, I will not forget the people that I love and the way things have changed for us, but I will forgive myself and move beyond 2008.

Merry Christmas morning!

2008-12-25T13:39:00.000-08:00

...from California!

Merry Christmas Eve!

2008-12-24T17:02:00.001-08:00

I hope you all travel safely, enjoy your time with family and friends, and have holidays filled with as much love as I have!

Merry Christmas!

The Cleve, Days 3 and 4

2008-12-21T22:14:00.000-08:00

It has been one of the most hectic and exhausting weekends of my life. I'm not sure what makes it so (I mean, apart from not going to bed until 4 and 5am most nights and getting up by 9am), but it's been a good time.

I'm a bit disappointed. I feel like there's been so much running around and not enough talking to people. Catching up with several dozen people is a tough thing to do when everyone is always together in a huge group and you're overwhelmed with really awesome food and drink and music and activities... I love it, but I feel like we've gotten a bit excessive. Maybe next year I'll suggest a weekend in Tahoe, entirely catered, so no one has to do anything but relax, hang out, and socialize.

Saturday was a flurry of grocery shopping, napping (oops), cooking, basketball games, more cooking, trying to curl my niece's hair, my hair, trying to pack the cars full of people and food an gifts, heading over to my aunt and uncle's house for (literally) mountains of food, carolers (yes, real live singers at the house), white elephant gift exchange (I lucked out with some decent stuff, I have to say - makeup and face wash and nail polish, oh, my!), and just general insanity. It was fabulous. Today we did another grocery run, a mall run, stopped past the old house (that is still for sale) so I could say hello to my piano and we could look around the house, and came back to my brother's to make cookies. It was weird to stop by my big, empty house. I miss living there. If only I could pick up the house and the property and plop it in California, I'd be a happy camper. It was suggested to me that I should take a look at the cost to ship the piano to California and try to find it a temporary home... it's just sitting there in the house and trying to find someone to purchase it in this economy is nearly impossible. We've been trying to sell the piano for months and the house for years. It's just not happening. I might be the happiest person alive if I can figure out how to make that work somehow. We'll see. I also got to talk to my friend Matt from grade school. Turns out he's living in Denver now, working for the same company all my friends work for (small, small world), and seems to love traveling as much as I do. It was an interesting, but kind of awkward conversation. After not talking to someone for 12 years, you have to expect it'll be a bit strange, but still pretty cool. Part of me wishes I was staying here a bit longer so we could get together and chat, but maybe I'll try to catch up with him next time I'm in Denver to visit family instead. Anyway, 14 batches of cookies later, here I am, applying for more jobs after midnight, taking my stupid tests for the temp agency (how do you make a word italicized in Microsoft Word???) and contemplating going to bed at a reasonable hour.

Tomorrow, I'll be heading out to have lunch with an old friend, Rachael, and I am pretty psyched to see her. It's been a long time and a LOT of things have gone around for both of us, so I can't wait to go hang out! I'm headed back to Cali and out of this frigid weather tomorrow afternoon and I wish I could just pack up my family and take them with me... wouldn't that be easier? Seriously, it's 1 degree here. That's just wrong.

I can't wait to go home. To California. It's going to be a pretty weird week, but I think it will be okay... I hope it will be okay. I promise I'll try to be more upbeat and perky about this week, but no guarantees. :-)

Cheers and Happy Holidays - Cleveland Christmas pictures to come.

The end of an era (a short one)

2008-12-19T23:48:00.000-08:00

Mixwit, which hosts these fabulous mix tapes all over my blog, is shutting down on December 27th of this year. My guess is that there is some pretty serious licensing stuff going on that no one wants to talk about, but had ignored for a long time.

Anyway, I will be hosting my mixes on my own site somewhere, so I'll let you know when I tuck them away for safe keeping and your entertainment. :-)

Cheers to a fun thing, while it lasted.

A temporary replacement.

My new reading list [The Cleve, Day 2]

2008-12-19T21:47:00.000-08:00

There have been a lot of conversations around here about our menu for Saturday and then, subsequently around this book called The Omnivore's Dilemma. It sounds fascinating - the author theorizes why Americans eat the way they do today, based on historical changes in agriculture and FDA changes in process and regulations, etc. Basically, what it comes down to is that anything our grandparents can't identify by simply looking at it is probably not something we should be eating (i.e. Doritos, mayyyybe french fries, but even that was questionable). It's about identifying food in it's natural state rather than in this over-processed, over-preserved state. Sounds interesting and it's definitely going on my list. There are a few others here that I recommend checking out and I know I currently own some of them, but I'm just taking my time getting around to reading them, I swear. :-)

My current reading list:

1. The Omnivore's Dilemma

2. In Defense of Food: An Eater's Manifesto

3. Groundswell - Winning in World Transformed by Social Technologies - [super-geeky-social media book; sorry if this isn't your cup of tea]

My Christmas reading list - books I feel the need to read every Christmas season just because I love them so much:

1. The Battle for Christmas

2. The Christmas Box; Timepiece; The Letter

3. Skipping Christmas [The movie rendition was horrific - read the book.]

4. Winterdance: The Fine Madness of Running the Iditarod [Not a Christmas book, but ideal for putting you in the mood to laugh at the absurdity of winter and running a dog race in the middle of it, in Alaska!]

Enjoy!

In other news, the tour of Hale Farm and Village this evening was pretty interesting. The year of choice this year was 1863, nearing the end of the war. Our tour group were to act as villagers traveling from house to house, collecting money for the women and children of men away at war. If you've never been, it's probably one of the more unique things that Ohio has to offer. Live actors, nothing overly-perfected about the whole entertainment of it, and walking from house to house with candle-lit lanterns is pretty cool. Comforting, especially in pure darkness, a bit a snow falling and not a sound to be heard for miles. I was pretty entertained.

I am looking forward to tomorrow... I think it starts somewhere around 6am with a cocktail. So I've heard. That might just be a rumor, though. On deck for tomorrow:

Grocery shopping: Christmas guacamole and Three Bean Chili
Cooking said recipes listed above
Possibly attending the men's CSU basketball game tomorrow to see the sis-in-law's cheer squad go to town
Wander over to my friend Rachael's for some wine (whine!?) and cookie baking
Wander over to my aunt and uncles for:

Highballs
Kielbasa
Pierogies
White Elephant exchange
Talent Show (?!?!?!?)
Harassment
Highballs
Amusement
Consuming more food than I can possibly comprehend
Family
Friends
Chocolate
Poker
Highballs
Possible drunk dials

Beware.

Sneaky iGoogle bastards!

2008-12-19T01:15:00.001-08:00

They's sneakin' in and stealing my foodstuffs! BASTARDS!

The Cleve, Day 1

2008-12-19T00:11:00.000-08:00

Impossible. How could I have possibly woken up at 1pm on my first day home of Christmas vacation?

Oh, that's right. It's because I went to bed at 5am that same morning. 5am to my poor body felt like 2am (PST), which is what time my unemployed ass usually goes to bed. That is a disaster. Especially when, at 7:30am, Pint-Size (the one-year-old), starts the morning off with a, "momma... momma?............mooooooomma...... [dramatic pause]..... momma! MOMMA!," the last one rolling off with a little bit of a growl.

Fabulous. So, here we are again, 3:15am where I am and I'm still sitting here, surfing the web for jobs, contacting recruiters, and enjoying the, uh, nightlife here in Cleveland. This is definitely going to go over well tomorrow.

Today, I spent the day hanging around the house, socializing with my parents and Pint-Size, who is not only teething, but is completely obsessed with the movie "Cars", except in his language it sounds like "Guys" every time it comes out of his mouth (endearing the first three dozen times you hear it, I assure you). Don't get me wrong, after watching it for the first time earlier this year, it had quickly risen to the top of my Disney charts. I think it's somewhere around number 4 or 5 (right up there with The Little Mermaid, Aladdin and Monsters, Inc.). However, after watching it 3 times today, it may have begun to grate on my nerves a little. But only a little.

Once I surreptitiously diverted the child's attention in Papa's direction (aha! I have thwarted responsibility once again!), I was able to divulge in some Q-Time with my brother, during which he sat on my head and forced me to watch this bullshit. He will pay. Oh, yes, he will pay for that.

Dinner was had, and we chillins (brother, sister-in-law and I) ran off to the airport to grab my sister and head over to the mall so sis and I could watch the other two take advantage of the absurd holiday sales they have going on here in the Cleve. Absurd. As in, one store had 40% off the entire store. Everything. Winter jackets, dresses, jeans, jewelry, accessories, you name it. Bizarre. Welcome to the craptastic economy. Each store had, at maximum, three employees working. Yes, even during the week before Christmas. No one was in the mall. I was about to say it was like being there on a Tuesday morning at 10am, but even then, there are the mall grannies, who get their walk on in their fabulously coordinated velour workout gear. Crazy. Anyway, we picked my dad up some "dress jeans", because he now has casual Fridays at work and was bitching about not having any "dress jeans". We told him he's not allowed to wear his new stylin' Express jeans while mowing the lawn, working on cars, or eating anything that might cause a permanent stain. God love him, but the man needed some nice jeans!!

We wandered over to Chili's for some bad-idea-before-sleeping-in-a-houseful-of-people food (think lots of fattening Mexican-esque food), then wandered home. My sister was kind enough to stay up with me and entertain me by grabbing this stuffed plush stacking ring off of the spindle-thingy (of course, it was Eeyore, and not Tigger), and says, "What the hell is this thing?" Grabs it, sets it on the armrest of the couch, looks at it, sits on it and says, "Is it one of those things you sit on, you know, when you have, what is it, herpes?" as she is flipping Eeyore's head between her legs (which is a truly disturbing image, I assure you). I laughed so hard that tears were pouring down my face, "You mean hemorrhoids?!?!?!"

Ah, yes, and that was the extent of my fabulous evening. I haven't laughed that hard in a long time.

Oh, and I spent the day thinking and contemplating and wondering and buried in thought and otherwise completely at a loss for words due to a completely unprecedented, unexpected gift given to me by people who, five months ago, didn't even know I existed. More to come about that in a future post that I attempted to write today but could not get past the first two lines without sobbing like a Christian during Hanukkah [aha! I have thwarted the standard discriminatory remarks by using another and used the word thwarted twice in one post - beat that!]. So, without further ado, I am going to make like a Canadian and go to bed at a disturbingly late hour (not sure what that means, but who gives a crap), while mentally trying to work out a coherent message to the people I am extraordinarily proud to call my friends.

I might be delirious.

Somehow, for now, this skin will have to do

2008-12-16T13:33:00.000-08:00

This is my first Christmas without Brian in 4 years. I've been trying to figure out how I feel about it, but I don't think I'll actually know until I get home and until I'm back here in California for Christmas and not in Connecticut. I'm so accustomed to curling up on that couch every Christmas, next to the fireplace, reading a book or napping or playing the Wii, hanging out with the family, trying to ignore the bass thumping from the basement, playing with Cooper and being excited about the gifts (and the food!) I'm exchanging with my second family. This is hard. I knew it would be. I feel like a big piece of me is missing, but I hope his and his family's holiday is as great as it has been in past years.

It's almost 2009. I don't really have complete faith in something like astrology, but I read my horoscope at the beginning of this year and it has inspired me to do a lot of things to change this year.

-----

Aquarius (January 20- February 18)

Your January 2008 Horoscope by Susan Miller

It's a brand New Year, and as you get closer to your birthday you are aching to start something new(at this time, the plan was Australia). If you are to believe the media, the only New Year's resolution on your mind is to lose weight, and while that might be true for you, you seem anxious to achieve something else too, something deeper and more all-encompassing. You want a fresh chapter to start soon, but to make this desire materialize, you will have to do a little preparation first. Start now, and you will have all year to do so. What's coming is most likely to be one of the best years of your life - one to take seriously!

In December, Jupiter moved quietly into your 12th house, putting you on a direct trajectory for your best and most successful year of your life - in 2009. Capricorn holds that title now, having been crowned celestial favorite last month for the coming year. This year you will prepare for your year, to arrive in early January 2009. The more you prepare, the better it will turn out to be. The first thing you need to do is find some obligations to offload or relationships to free yourself of, for if your life is too crowded in 2009, you will have no space to fit in all that's new. (I think I took care of this pretty well... *sigh*)

You will need to articulate as clearly as possible what you'd like to accomplish by the finish of 2009. That is not always an easy question to answer. Sometimes it's easier to start with what you don't like and certainly don't want more of in your life. That's usually easier to see, and easier to distance yourself from if you need to do so. We outgrow goals, sometimes before we even accomplish them, so before you put one on the list, make sure you still are passionate about getting your desire.

Sometimes we have several things that we'd like to change on our list, but changing them all would be completely overwhelming. Avoid the bleed effect - where everything seems wrong. It's usually due to one area of life that's so painful that it's causing a domino effect into other areas.

Jupiter is now in your 12th house, so if you think about things, your instinct will lead you to the one area that you would like to add, fix, improve, or jettison completely to feel instantly better.

Jupiter's new presence in your secret 12th house suggests that there are one or two individuals around you who will want to help you in a quiet, confidential way. In fact, you may not even know yet that you have the attention and interest of a powerful benefactor who has singled you out as a winner and who would be glad to speak on your behalf. (These two or three people have totally saved me from continuing to be the crappy person I had become - a huge thanks to them!)

If you would like to talk things over with a professional such as a life coach or psychotherapist, the best time to schedule a first session would be on or shortly after the new moon in your subconscious sector, January 8. You can also use this wonderful new moon to get the right help to finally end a self-destructive habit. Uranus will be in gorgeous angle to this new moon, bringing innovative ideas to the surface. Rapport with your professional should be unusually smooth at this time too, and that includes bringing your subconscious thoughts to the surface easily and naturally so that you can more effectively see success on your goal.

On a completely different topic, Uranus' involvement with the new moon on January 8 also suggests that you may hear good news about money either immediately or within a few days (two weeks at most). This would be money you earn as salary, not money you win, so no need to buy lotto tickets!

Speaking of salary, something very special appears to be bubbling up in your career these days, and this could turn out to be one of the most exciting areas of your chart this year. (woot! That totally happened.)

Think back to career conversations or actions you took last month near December 9 or 11. Those may lead to some mighty big gains for you in time - keep your eye on the area you were focusing on then. The time of the full moon, May 19, 2008, will be a key point for your career too, a time when you will see the blooming of many talks you are having now.

Jupiter and Pluto, two big players in the equation that adds up to career success for you, are past their conjunction point - that happened last month, on December 11 - but both are still orbiting in close proximity in January, giving you a superb ability to make your mark. Continue to be optimistic about new opportunities, especially ones where you can put your stamp of individuality on it. Also included in this trend will be an ability to make a difference in a charity, humanitarian, or political way.

Creatively, you've been coming up with a stunning array of gems lately, but with Mars retrograde since mid-November, you probably found it hard to get new projects off the ground. It's apparent that one of your ideas has solid profit potential but that you need the support of VIPs to get it going. Lately those very higher-ups have come off as aloof or vague or have been missing in action. Most (if not all) of those frustrations will melt away once Mars goes direct orbit on January 30. Watch the days that surround January 30 for clues that things are about to get on track again.

If you need funding for a creative project, you have a sterling day to schedule a confidential meeting, January 21. This will be one of 2008's most sensational days, a four-star day when Jupiter (good fortune and expansion) will send a key communication to Saturn (long-range planning). The plans you set in place at that time could take you far into the future. (That meeting is finally helping things to pan out these days.)

Once you get to the full moon in Leo, however, you must be ready to tie up all loose ends in all areas of your life, for Mercury is about to go retrograde.

This also is a full moon in your relationship sector, so either be ready to form a warm commitment or goal with your romantic partner, or conversely, clear the air about an issue that has troubled you.

This full moon seems much sweeter than any you've seen in recent years, so I feel the outcome would more likely be positive than negative. Old Saturn is now finally out of Leo for the first time in two years, so the problems that used to plague you simply won't be a factor any more. In fact, these issues won't even come up. If you were getting along with your partner, you may have been concerned about your partner's welfare or health.

Alternatively, you may seal an important alliance with a business associate on or very near January 22, and if so, it would be a very propitious time to do so.

If you were born on January 22, or close to this date, you will feel the effects of this full moon more potently than other members of your sign.

As mentioned, the day before the full moon, January 21, will be simply magical thanks to the cooperative efforts of Saturn and Jupiter, so if you plan on making a commitment, do so on January 21, if possible. Whether you make a personal or professional promise at this time, either way, it is likely to be in place a very long time - joyfully so.

I might add - without giving the plot away - that the February 6 (keep in mind, this was probably the worst day of my entire life)eclipse will be fabulously positive for you, a true gift from the universe! It will almost certainly shift your plans and priorities. I will go into that eclipse in more detail next month, but suffice to say that you should not fear what's coming - you will want to embrace it!!

Summary

January - and through much of 2008 - will find you in a pensive mood (no kidding). You seem to need more time off by yourself to reflect on your future without the distraction of friends and family (and right they were). You appear to be looking forward to this time. It looks as though the holidays were active for you and you also need a little rest.

A vacation taken now would be ideal. Rather than make it one that requires lots of sightseeing or sports, choose a soothing spot in a sumptuously beautiful locale, like Hawaii, the Greek Islands, or Bali, to fully decompress. Can't go that far? A lovely weekend in a snowy cottage in the woods, one with a fireplace and wood burning stove, would suit you just fine too, especially if you could go along with someone you find easy going.

Quiet pursuits such as writing poetry or essays, photography, film, design, sewing, reading, composing, or playing music would allow you to find your center. Your friends know you are the ultimate social butterfly, but this year with Jupiter, the Sun, and later in the month Venus and Pluto, touring your house of privacy and creativity, you seem to know you need this time to sit, think, and envision a better future.

The year after this one - 2009 - will be your biggest and most important in over a decade. That's when Jupiter, the giver of gifts and luck, will enter Aquarius for the first time since 1997. To get the full benefit of this rare and special trend, ancient astrologers wrote about the value in taking stock. Decide what needs to stay in your life, and what should go. What do you want more of, and what would you be glad to see less of? What exactly would you like to happen in your wonder year, as well as in the next ten years to come?

These questions aren't hypothetical ones. This year you will have the power to change things so you need to leave open some space for the universe to fill. These answers are important and shouldn't be rushed. You have all of 2008 to fully develop your list.

In the coming year, others may assume that it is "life as usual" for you, for they won't see many radical shifts or dramatic announcements just yet. You will know better. The most important changes in our lives often are first conceived in our minds and hearts, as wishes, dreams, or desires that we choose to act upon. If we can "see" in our mind's eye our new reality, we can make it happen. This is the process you will be working on in 2008.

All meetings and actions that take place behind closed doors now will benefit you. That includes all types of activities, from meeting with perspective clients and employers, to health professionals and coaches, and to creative work you do on projects dear to you. Alternatively, at work you may be ready to launch a new service or product that will demand the utmost secrecy. These types of endeavors do well for you now, so if this resonates with you, know you are on the right trail.

This whole year to come will also be ideal for giving up a bad habit. It matters not what it might be - spending too much money on things that don't matter to you, nibbling on cookies at night and leaving crumbs on the bed sheets, or failing to return library books - you name it, we all have one thing we would all like to delete and replace with something better. Jupiter, now in your 12th house, can see to it that you find a way to turn over a new leaf. You may work with a coach, read a self-help book that changes your perspective, or simply find the inner strength to say "enough!" and change. Make steps to end your habit on January 8 or in the days that closely follow that date.

Mercury will retrograde from January 28 to February 17. Since Mercury will retrograde in Aquarius, you'll feel the effects a bit more strongly than most. Prepare for delays and changes, and take it all in stride. Mercury retrograde will give you time to go back to previous projects that you are passionate about but put aside months ago, with happy results. Don't start anything new, but if you have something you want to go back to, it's the right time to do so.

------

So... like I said, I'm not a big believer, but looking back over this year, this may have been the most accurate reading I have ever seen in my entire life. I am fascinated. I am excited for things to start rallying and moving along with the work I have been doing (personal and professional). We'll see what happens, but when someone tells you 2009 is going to be your best year ever but only if you take 2008 to clean out things and people that don't belong in your life, I feel like I have to pay attention.

How can I make this year my year, and not just rely on the prediction? I have lists. Don't worry.

All the things I'd like to say, Là, tout n'est qu'ordre et beauté

2008-12-16T01:52:00.000-08:00

Crap that I totally need for Christmas:

2008-12-14T20:37:00.000-08:00

1. No Limit Texas Dreidel
2. Some knit bondage-wear and a willywarmer to give to a significant other
3. The best bumper sticker ever created
4. A signed xkcd print
5. I've wanted one of these since the first time I saw it in SkyMall magazine
6. Anyone who can find the little orange guy in the background will have my heart forever and ever and ever, seriously
7. Someone who can honestly answer this question
8. This is still funny, even after watching it about a dozen times
9. Something to impress the ladies
10. and finally, a variety of schwag that makes me wish I was Jewish

"Nevermind the words they waste -

2008-12-13T23:58:00.000-08:00

and thinking on what might have been."

Mars vs. Venus

2008-12-13T22:11:00.000-08:00

aka Boobs vs. Penis.

I am willing to give him some credit. The genitalia alone can really make someone or break someone, I swear, but come. on.

"I forgot to tell you how cute you looked in your costume today" should never be followed by "I wonder why so-and-so didn't come today; I think he wants to get into your pants". Mostly because the second statement is irrelevant given the little pitter-patter of hope the first comment instilled. Should he know better? I can hope so, but I can't presume that he understands how a comment like that would make me feel. Maybe a good bitch slap would have clarified, but then again, no... no, it may not have. Besides, I don't ever want him to stop making comments like that. Is it fair that I like him more and more every day and he is living in platonic-land? I don't know. But it's still my choice, I am still happy to just continue being me, solo and bitter (I'm kidding, I swear), in the meantime. That was always the plan, anyway, and I need this in order to figure out my next move in my brand new California life.

I'm still happier than I've ever been, but I feel I have to remind myself that it's okay to be happy. I don't have to think about all those things I did wrong before and I don't have to ask for forgiveness from these people, because to them, I've done nothing wrong. I mean, the occasional reminder to myself to not be a bitch is necessary. Care about others. Listen to other people's problems with the depth and sincerity that you would want and expect from them. It seems so simple and yet, I feel like I have to focus on it so hard to make sure it's working right.

I guess practice makes for socially retarded people, such as myself.

In other news, today was Santa Con, which is this ridiculously extraordinary extravaganza and gathering of 1,000+ Santas in SF for a giant bar crawl. As you can see, it's 10:00pm or so and yes, I am home, watching Legends of the Fall like a good Catholic (or something) girl. Post alcohol-intake. Good. God. Photos coming soon. Oh, and in case you forgot, I looked really cute today, so really, check back for pictures.

When is an out an "out"

2008-12-12T00:52:00.000-08:00

I took my "out" tonight. I pretended like it was easier to ignore you than to just talk to you like I normally do. Pretended to hang out like a normal person who isn't annoyed with you because you're unaffected. I'm not even sure I'm all that affected by our situation, I'm just annoyed with everything right now. Not your fault. I'm sorry. Thank you for the drink.

I can't sleep

2008-12-11T07:50:00.000-08:00

because my cats keep licking the window. Not kidding. Since 4:30 this morning.

Gahhhhhh. *hmph*

Tuesday, Tuesday

2008-12-10T00:12:00.000-08:00

I went to Peet's Coffee today. I ordered a cafe au lait, loaded it with cocoa and sugar. I used their internet.

A man came in and he was carrying a baby duck in his hand. Why? God only knows. He ordered a vanilla chai and didn't bother to grab a heat grip to prevent burning his empty hand. The baristas eyed him, unsure of whether or not they should make a scene about the tiny live animal, so publicly displayed in a food establishment. I had to know why a man would possibly come in carrying a baby duck. I followed that man.

He got into his car and turned a corner. He went to Whole Foods, purchased some fruit, some vegetables, and some pasta. He went to the mall. He wandered from store to store, but I could still spy the duck lump in his pocket. He went into Banana Republic and purchased a sweater (angora). I couldn't quite understand the ethics or logic of caring for this tiny duck and purchasing an angora sweater. Go figure. He was short with the cashier, denying the opportunity to open a Banana Republic card with far more force than necessary. We exited the store. He walked the mall some more, rode up and down the escalators and window shopped. He stopped at Auntie Annie's and purchased cinnamon pretzel sticks. He stopped in the restroom and it took him several minutes to come back out. I wondered if he had noticed me following him. I wondered if the duck shit in his pocket. He probably deserved it, buying the angora sweater and all.

He finally emerged, carrying his Banana Republic bag, but had discarded his Auntie Anne's leftovers. He stopped at the gift wrap desk in the mall. He handed over the sweater and asked for the red paper and a gold bow. Someone asked me a question. I lost focus. She was standing there, in front of me, "Where is the food court, do you know?!" No, woman, stop distracting me! I'm obviously completely enraptured by this man's affair with miniature poultry. I pushed her aside and saw the man walking right towards me, bag in hand. I was standing near the exit, right next to a soda machine. I pulled a dollar from my pocket and quickly began flattening it, as if to shove it into the money slot because my curiosity had gotten me so parched. As he passed by, his arm brushed mine and it spun his bag a bit. I had only a moment to notice that there were now two boxes in the bag, one slender and long, the other small and square, about the size of a snow globe. "Watch it," he hissed.

The lump in his pocket was gone.

"So, like, are you stressed?"

2008-12-09T18:15:00.000-08:00

Well, I had a dream the other morning that I got arrested for something and they came, cleared out my bank accounts and I couldn't pay bills anymore. So yes, I presume I'm a bit stressed.

40 jobs applied to this week. At least there's a lot to choose from here. Tomorrow, I will give in and apply to be a bartender, waitress, eek, work in retail... Gotta do something, right?

Bad to Worse

2008-12-09T00:14:00.000-08:00

TechCrunch posted this data today... On one hand, at least I wasn't alone last Friday. 13k, laid off. What. the. hell. On the other hand, any hope I had of convincing some VC to give me money next Tuesday was pretty much squashed by this article, but nonetheless, I'm still going to try anyway.

I updated my resume on LinkedIn.com and you can also now see my poor HTML skills that I ripped off of some other guy at http://elainepodulka.com.

Rock.

Bad habits

2008-12-07T13:01:00.001-08:00

Last night, I briefly became that bitch that I was a year ago.

Since finding out that I am (yet again) unemployed (what was I just saying the other day about being employed???), my friends have been ridiculously supportive. Let's just say that I made some plans and broke them, in a fashion that didn't really paint me in the best light (although I was not actually as painfully at fault as I felt I was). I think I also hurt someone's feelings quite a bit... *guilty*

Anyway. Karma. I caught a cold from one of my disease-ridden friends and I am sick as a dog. I think I'll take off of work tomorrow.

Oh, wait...

Two Days in Paris

2008-12-04T21:50:00.008-08:00

I hated this movie the first time I watched it, much like I hated Before Sunset and Before Sunrise the first time around, but I thought, like the other two, I'd give it another shot. I actually did enjoy it more the second time around, I have to admit. It's still sour, bitter, raunchy and a little obnoxious, but we're Americans showing up in Paris, what can you expect? I also loved this monologue:

"It's not easy being in a relationship, much less to truly know the other one and accept them as they are with all their flaws and baggage. Jack confessed to me his fear of being rejected. Jack realized that after two years, he didn't know me at all nor did I know him, and to truly love each other, we needed to know the truth about each other, even if it's not so easy to take. I confessed to Jack that the toughest thing for me was to decide to be with someone for good, the idea that this is it, this is the man that I am going to spend the rest of my life with, to make the effort to stay and work things out and not run off the minute there is a problem and it's very difficult for me. I told him that I could not be with just one man for the rest of my life. It was a lie but I said it anyway. He asked me if I was a squirrel, collecting men like nuts to put away for cold winters. I thought it was quite funny. Then he said something that hurt my feelings. The tone changed drastically. Then I misunderstood what he was saying, I thought he meant he didn't love me anymore and he wanted to break up. It always fascinated me how people go from loving you madly to nothing at all, nothing. It hurts so much. When I feel someone is going to leave me, I have a tendency to break up first before I get to hear the whole thing.

Here it is.
One more, one less.
Another wasted love story.
I really loved this one.

When I think that its over, that I'll never see him again like this... well yes, I'll bump into him, we'll meet our new boyfriend and girlfriend, act as if we had never been together, then we'll slowly think of each other less and less until we forget each other completely. Almost. Always the same for me. Break up, break down. Drink up, fool around. Meet one guy, then another, fuck around. Forget the one and only. Then after a few months of total emptiness start again to look for true love, desperately look everywhere and after two years of loneliness meet a new love and swear it is the one, until that one is gone as well.

There's a moment in life where you can't recover any more from another break-up. And even if this person bugs you sixty percent of the time, well, you still can’t live without him. And even if he wakes you up every day by sneezing right in your face, well, you love his sneezes more than anyone else's kisses."

In other news, Gym Blog: Day 2? Ow. The elliptical, 45 minutes, steepest climb I could possibly do. Glutes say, "Yes, please, may I have s'more?" Rock.

Translation is at best an echo.

2008-12-04T10:58:00.003-08:00

Experience has shown, and a true philosophy will always show, that a vast, perhaps the larger, portion of the truth arises from the seemingly irrelevant.

I am incredibly thankful for a lot of things.

~~I am employed.~~
~~I can pay my bills.~~
I am living in the exact place that I've wanted to be for a very long time.
I am healthy, ~~but even if I was not, I have health insurance.~~
I will get to see my family at Christmas.
I have a group of wonderful, accepting friends, who take me at face value, unconcerned about the fact that I was someone else before I ever knew them.
I can do anything I want with my future, as long as I continue to feel inspired and continue to maintain whatever driving force it is that makes me want to do all of this.

Some things in life are irrelevant. Some things are not. Distinguishing between the two is nearly impossible until you take the time to watch the effects of things seemingly irrelevant. If there is one thing I have learned in the past year, it is an incredible amount of patience - I might still bitch and complain, but compared to my reactionary behavior in my past life, my level of patience is inconceivable (yah, I knew you'd like that Princess Bride reference, come on!).

I am going to buy a Christmas tree tonight. Not sure where I'm putting it, whether or not it will fit in my apartment... don't care. Green things make me happy. I hope your day is as happy contemplative as mine!

So sleepy...

2008-12-03T23:50:00.003-08:00

The worst part is that I'm trying to find things that I won't like about you to make this easier.

So far, I've failed.

Back to the gym, day 1

2008-12-01T21:14:00.002-08:00

Spinning class.

My arse hurts.

And, to be perfectly honest, I feel like I was doing all this sweating and not working all that hard. That doesn't seem to make sense to me. No joke, sweat pouring off my body and yet, I really don't feel like I was working very hard. The only thing that hurts right now is my butt. Go figure.

On a side note, a friend told me she would never speak to me again if I liked the movie "The Holiday". It happens to be on HBO this very moment and I think I completely understand why she would refuse me now. This shit is so incredibly nauseating. On that note, I crack a beverage and say to you, Cheers to piss-poor holiday movies!

Let me explain this to you one more time

2008-12-01T15:39:00.003-08:00

This, thanks to dooce, is exactly why I do not ever desire to pro-create.

Adoption? Win.

P.S. Hyyyyyysterical!!!

Oh, how I miss the 90s

2008-11-25T17:00:00.001-08:00

It takes some silence to make a sound

2008-11-24T12:52:00.002-08:00

I had a dream last night that I was spinning in the air, arms completely outstretched and I was falling, head-first, spinning, spinning, spinning...

It seems that I know a lot of people who really don't favor those who turn around and say, "You know what, I made a mistake."

I don't take relationships lightly. I feel like I wasn't taken seriously, I feel like I was a glimmer of excitement in someone's life and he barely stopped to think about whether or not I would actually feel something. I don't start dating someone seriously unless there's a pretty serious intention in my head, and I certainly don't bother defining it as a relationship.

Where have I been this whole time? Ugh.

Yup, they do know me. I wish they didn't.

2008-11-21T13:26:00.000-08:00

[Tarot.com Aquarius Horoscope] You may have had a recent close encounter with your own emotional vulnerability. Today, however, you are ready to do the hard work necessary to face your fears and overcome them. Saturn is your ally now, defining what is out of bounds. Instead of running helter-skelter all over the map, settle into the present moment and remain open to feeling what's in your heart.

Today's horoscope

2008-11-20T17:17:00.000-08:00

[Tarot.com Aquarius Horoscope] You need to make sufficient time to think about a current emotional issue that's unfolding in your life. Even if you attempt defensive evasive maneuvers, you will likely be drawn further into the melodrama. Since you may not be comfortable in emotionally charged situations, it's crucial for you to play through the possible conversations in your imagination prior to facing them in real time. Your mental preparation will make it easier to speak from your heart.

It's like they freaking know me.

Value in expectations

2008-11-16T20:26:00.004-08:00

Maybe it's unrealistic, but I want to be worth every moment you want to spend with me... and not every moment you think is most valuable to you. To do something because there is value in it for us, and not just because there is value in it for you.

I love California in November

2008-11-16T18:10:00.003-08:00

Matt and I went back and forth on ditching work for the beach one day in October. The weather never quite made it to the ideal temperature in October and we had given up on the prospect all together and resigned ourselves to the fact that winter was imminent.

Not so! Yesterday, November 15, 2008, the temperature reached 82+ degrees in Santa Cruz, an unheard of temperature anytime in Santa Cruz, not just on November 15th. We made it down early, arriving at the beach around 10:30am and spent the day playing soccer (well, Matt did - I read), throwing frisbee in the water, and just generally relaxing. I haven't felt that level of relaxation in months and it was faaaabulous! Lots of pretty pictures to come (be sure to check back for the updated post with pictures later).

We left the beach around 5:30 or so, the temperatures cooling down and the crowds diminishing. We decided to swing by my place, shower and head out to the mall for some shopping, which never really happened because starvation took over. Had a late dinner at the California Pizza kitchen, headed home and watched tv for a few hours before passing out from sheer exhaustion.

Not realizing how exhausted we really were, we ended up sleeping in until 3pm today. I think I awoke once or twice briefly, wondering to myself why the handsome gentleman sleeping next to me hadn't gotten around to rolling out of bed to accomplish his multitude of weekend tasks (including going to work for a time). I believe I then proceeded to roll over, wrap his arms back around me and not care whether or not he was leaving.

Back to Iron Chef, walnut souffle?! Yum!! And blackberry mole sauce! Argh, I'm hungry again...

In the theme of being all over the place (in my thought process), I am looking forward to moving into a place that is hella cheaper. Dropping as much as I do on rent, I feel like I'm really holding back on the things that I want to do with my life - taking more classes, going on more vacations (and paying cash instead of credit), and just generally enjoying my life the way I want. January? I hope it'll happen - get out of here and get back to my life the way I like it.

Cheers to an absolutely fabulous weekend!

Farmer Brown and Ben Folds

2008-11-14T14:29:00.007-08:00

Last night was, well, pretty awesome. Matt and I went to check out Farmer Brown, some upscale Soul Food. Not a bad place at all; Matt had the fried chicken and mac and cheese, I had the pork tenderloin and Waldorf salad. I wouldn't say it's the absolute best pork tenderloin I've ever had, but it was damn tasty. I enjoyed it, the fried chicken was delicious and you can't really beat the $3 bottled PBR. Given my exhaustive state, I avoided booze, myself, but next time I will definitely be checking out their quality cocktails.

Ben Folds played at the Warfield last night and he was fabulous as usual. He started off the show with a lot of new stuff and closed the show with a lot of old stuff. Rocco deLuca opened for Ben Folds. I was bored. I know that's sad, he's got a great voice, but the opener should be someone who pumps people up, not someone who puts people to sleep. I was pretty bummed. Regardless, Ben Folds made up for the painful first hour of the show.

Matt and I had to have the discussion of our ideal concert-going group - after the Ben Folds experience, they would probably not include: the loud-mouth super-squeaky yapper, the 60's chick who is really, really, really into the 'feeling' of the music (and whapping me in the face with her hair), the super over-zealous screamer fan... who would be your ideal concert group?

On a completely different train of thought, I'm watching Iron Chef and they just made the most awesome looking cinnamon ice cream... that sounds delicious right now.

Living Wage Calculator

2008-11-14T10:20:00.003-08:00

I came across this handy tool, the Living Wage Calculator (compliments of Lifehacker), and I think I cried, just a little bit.

I'd love to know where a single adult can live in Sunnyvale for $939. Yeesh.

I can totally live on minimum wage... as long as I don't bother to pay any of my other bills. Right. Totally realistic. Regardless of that, it's still an interesting tool.

Haha, I said 'tool'.

How do you feel today?

2008-11-13T11:51:00.006-08:00

"No one needs drama. We all need to be successful, strong, and making a difference in our way. The "significant other" should be there to support that and pick you up when you fall down. Not to play games like "I don't know how I feel today". Fuck that shit."

We're all redefining what a successful relationship is. I think it's being a successful individual, finding the things in life that give you enjoyment and fulfillment. When a 'significant other' enters the picture, it's about taking those things that each of you loves, and supporting the other to the Nth degree. There isn't much of a 'traditional relationship' anymore, where you have all the same interests, you do everything together, you just learn to love the other person because they do things well.

I've encountered an 'issue' in my current relationship. I look around and see these young couples and I wonder, how do they get to that point? How does a couple get to a point in their relationship where they think about getting married, talk about it, decide to do it? How do you decide to have children?

How is it that I'm in a situation now that is so good, so perfect and yet, there's something holding him back? I blame myself, of course, I think it's natural to do that - especially after my most recent experiences with relationships. I feel a bit like eggs whites that got whipped up all nice and fluffy and then some fucker goes and drops a bit of yolk in and ruins the whole experience.

I have to vent via blog as to not drive him completely insane with my over-analytical female commentary. So I'm dating this handsome, brilliant (in my eyes - he's an engineer, how much smarter can ya get?), funny, snarky guy with great taste in music and things are going well. So well, in fact, that this sudden change in emotion is really throwing me off and I feel a bit like a hyper-emotional psychopath. I liked the way things were going - I missed him when we were apart, but never had a problem trusting him, still enjoyed my free time quite a bit, and when we were together, things were great. But over the past few weeks, he's gotten distant, gotten a little rude with me at times and I just couldn't put my finger on it. So I had to ask, "What is going on with you?"

I have a tendency to think that no guy ever wants to be the mean guy and therefore his "I don't know what's wrong, I don't know how to fix it" means more than he's letting on. I also happen to know that when he's done with a relationship, he's done and makes it clear. Would he change his regular pattern for me? I don't think there's any special reason to treat me differently.

The best advice that I am willing to take right now is "You can't be afraid that something will fail, even a relationship." I don't think butterflies last forever. I don't know whether or not they are recyclable, I don't know how to make them reappear magically, and I don't know what makes one person want to really work with another person to make a relationship sustainable.

Is it too early on to be having these issues? Or is it a test to see whether or not this is a guy who is willing to work? I am not afraid of this, I can't be afraid of this. I think that I want my relationship to be one where it is a choice to stay in it because we love and care for each other. I'm looking forward to that, and I want that to be something that can start now. I don't have to make any decisions today.

Compliments of Rick Levine and the way I hope to think about this situation for today:

"You are in a position to share your vision of the future and there's no reason to hold back. Don't worry about being practical today; this is your chance to dream aloud. Remember, you aren't sharing your ideas for an action plan, so it needn't be grounded in reality. Telling a fantastic story can be more inspiring than a step-by-step strategy for success."

Food updates

2008-11-10T17:56:00.007-08:00

It's been awhile since I updated anyone on the food in my life, so here's a few good ones for you:

This past weekend, my friend Mike was in town to visit Valerie, and Matt recommended that we all go out to a Vietnamese restaurant in San Jose, Vung Tau. We split an appetizer of Bi Cuon (forgive the lack of alternate characters): shredded pork (with the skin - as detailed by our waiter, as if we wouldn't want that) in rice flour rolls with basil and mint leaves. These were... well, not my favorite. Kind of bland, a bit like eating soap-flavored pork. We also got a green papaya salad with sesame chicken and basil, which was awesome - the sauce that was on the salad was quite tasty, sweet but soaked into the papaya really well. Our entrees were a red curry chicken (standard curry dish, nothing special) and an amazing vermicelli dish - lemongrass beef on a banana leaf. The ultimate in DIY-ing, you're supposed to grab a lettuce leaf, a layer of the sticky vermicelli, some of the thinly slicked lemongrass beef and fresh veggies, and voila, eat up! (Easier said than done.) Regardless of difficulty, this was definitely my favorite dish of the evening. Definitely a restaurant worth checking out.

So, in addition to that, I was really missing New England chili around Election Night, so I went ahead and attempted my own 3-bean vegetarian chili. Okay, well, I actually stole it from Rachael Ray (which, normally, I would never admit to) and adjusted it to my liking. It went over really well with everyone on Election night - some key things to remember:

- ALWAYS use beer instead of vegetable broth - and more than it calls for (I used about 1 3/4c of Blue Moon, but I'm trying to get my hands on some Cave Creek Chili Beer for next time)

- ALWAYS use something spicier than what the recipe calls for (i.e. two jalapenos instead of just one)

- I used Tapatio as my 'hot pepper sauce' - totally recommend it

Hopefully you'll enjoy it as much as our group did! Cheers!

Wish it, wish it good

2008-11-07T00:57:00.002-08:00

I am fairly certain that, with the exception of one night that I can remember, I have officially seen more shooting stars in the past three months here in California than I ever saw on the east coast.

Oh, and I've wished for the same thing on every single one of them. Wanna know what I've been wishin' for?

None of yo' damn bizness!

Love

2008-10-29T00:20:00.003-07:00

He tastes like love, but that's a secret.

The catalyst

2008-10-07T22:24:00.003-07:00

Is anything in my life anonymous anymore?

I went to my first show in San Francisco last night. It's been a really long time since I've been to a live show and I think I was really surprised at how homesick it made me feel for Boston. I spent 8 years going to shows and knowing at least a few other people at the show besides the group I was with and running into friends, heading out to parties after the show, meeting new people and last night, for the first time, I knew no one. I was surrounded by hipster kids and marijuana smoke and Canadian indie rock and I knew no one but the man standing next to me.

I've never felt so lonely standing in such a huge crowd.

Nothing against Matt at all; thankfully, I had a great time and really enjoyed the show and was so glad that my first experience at the Fillmore was with him. I'm just so accustomed to sharing experiences like that with a few dozen of my friends and it was just so weird.

I hope I'll get over missing the Boston folks soon but there's never going to be a group like that one out here. They were unique and they're lucky to have each other. I hope they realize that.

Cheers to loving live music.

Alternative Resources

2008-10-06T14:34:00.004-07:00

'Do you want to replace Brian?'

Excuse me, what?

'Do you want to replace Brian?'

My phone is asking me a question. I wish it wouldn't. I'm not really sure why it feels the need to ask me, can't you just do something without asking me that question? I feel a bit violated, I mean, I realize my phone hears every possible conversation I have, but that's too personal. That's not a question anyone should be asking.

It took me 15 tries and another pair of eyes to figure out how to remove Brian from my speed dial on my cell and 'replace' him with someone else. No, I'm not an idiot, because my phone was telling me that he was #2 and my SIM card was actually pulling him from #1002 instead, making it damn near impossible for me to figure out why I was [almost] calling Brian every time I went to use #2 to call someone else yesterday. You can't even imagine the horror I felt when I saw I was almost calling, I felt rude and intrusive and, well, kinda weird seeing his name pop up on my phone.

This, of course, begs the question, am I really trying to replace Brian? Ugh. I have been asked that a few times in the past week, and surprisingly, I don't even hesitate to say "no" every time. It's not about 'replacing' Brian; I can't be the same person I was, I can't change the way things ended, but I also can't hope for an alternative ending for the rest of my life. I hated hearing that question, not just from my phone, but from my friends, as well - I am a huge fan of the relationship we had (until the end) and really can't say anything bad about Brian as a person. I was lucky, I was scared and sad to leave, I didn't know how to deal with ending something I didn't want to end, but things had to change for both of us... but I'm not 'replacing' him, by any means. I might be looking for a better fit to my life, but he was and still is like my jeans from Montreal. There won't be another pair, but I still love them, rips and holes and all.

On a bright note, Miss Em was able to steal my phone out of my hands and solve the problem for me. Good to know I can still be tech-stupid and someone else has to figure it out how to use something as simple as a cell phone for me. Cheers to Monday and watching the markets and my self-confidence take a nosedive.

My Blog has ADD

2008-09-28T20:50:00.002-07:00

and I'm sorry about that. I am having the hardest time focusing on writing one clear, coherent thought after another.

So I just watched the Post Secret video and I have to say that Post Secret is a pretty awesome means of Social Media. It might not be technology-based, but it's brought people together on a social level that encourages others to do the same. It's kind of bizarre. Interestingly, I am also intrigued enough to regularly consider sending in a postcard. My blog is no longer anonymous enough. I don't know who reads it. I'm not sure that I should care, either, but I'm not really sure I'm willing to deal with the reactions that some of my commentary might stir up. So... if you're looking for what I have to say about you, maybe you should be checking Post Secret instead. I might get around to saying what I want to say on here, but it's going to take me some time to get over the fact that you're reading it.

Cheers to getting up and going to work tomorrow, suckas.

Social Media makes me Socially Awkward

2008-09-28T20:06:00.005-07:00

I've noticed that I totally stopped blogging the past few weeks... not because I haven't actually been blogging, but because I hesitate every time I go to "Publish Post". Bad. It's not exactly as if I have the most captive audience and need to maintain some level of standards when it comes to pleasing the masses, but really, I've been a little hesitant to put all my goodies out on display for the whole world to see. I'm on a bit of an emotional high that I don't want to end and I feel like describing some of the things that are really rocking my world right now might make it seem unreal, maybe? Or maybe lessen the experience? Maybe that's just because I'm a poor writer to begin with and I don't think I could possibly be describing all the great things that happen with the amount of emotion in writing. Not sure.

I've spent a lot of time with this really fantastic group, I don't even know how many people, 20 or 30 different people that I've met at this point through Val. I feel comfortable with them, they're really a fascinating, entertaining bunch who seem willing to do just about anything. A few weekends ago, we went down to La Nebbia Vineyards for Bottle and Cork day, spent the day outside lolling around in the sunshine with mountains of picnic food, playing bocce and drinking wine. It's almost as if sharing these experiences takes away from the experience itself.

I have an even harder time talking about my 'personal' life. Let's just say that I'm lucky in ways I never imagined I could be - I'm cared for, comforted, treated well, made to feel like a beautiful person, all things I wasn't sure I deserved to feel ever again. I'm nervous about the way I feel and pretty fucking excited about it, but I'm still 'proceeding with caution'. I wish I didn't feel like I had to be cautious about anything, but my caution seems to be earning me some respect (from everyone!) and I appreciate that more than anything. I feel like I'm finally finding all the money I hid from myself in books and boxes years ago because every day on the West coast is extraordinary. And he's helping to make it better for me every day.

This week is looking pretty awesome - Thursday night, we're going up to see the Shepard Fairey exhibit at WhiteWalls SF, Saturday is Oktoberfest and Sunday is the classic car show in Sausalito.

Hey, yah, also, go see 'Burn After Reading'. It's... well, let's just say it's fucked up. I could say it's funny, or entertaining, my friend Heidi called it 'cute', but really? It's fucked up.

Best week ever... and continuing.

2008-09-12T16:35:00.002-07:00

Wednesday [9/3]: Bowling [and drinking].
Thursday [9/4]: Happy Hour at Cascal; drinks with Julie.
Friday [9/5]: Lebowskifest; rug stolen.
Saturday [9/6]: Mike in town; a few hours at St. Stephen's Green [drinking]; Earthquakes 'game' (aka tailgating, realizing we can't take our alcohol into the stands, drinking on the grass, getting felt up by some blond, general hooliganisms, more beer, soccer with some kids, post-game tailgating).
Sunday [9/7]: Recovery/Banana pancakes; several hours poolside with many good people [and drinks]; dinner and 6 bottles of wine at my place.
Monday [9/8]: A pretty solid stroll down Steven's Creek Trail, getting lost in the dark; 1 bottle of wine, a few beers, leftover lasagna.
Tuesday [9/9]: Caltrain NB to Giants Game + caprihinas + beer + rum&cokes + beer + donuts = not remembering the better part of 6 hours and going into work at 10:30am instead of 8am. Oops.
Wednesday [9/10]: Treading water, hard, on three hours of sleep. Bowling [and drinking].
Thursday [9/11]: Mike returns from Yosemite, "Hey, I couldn't remember where you lived, but I remembered how to get to the bar we were at last weekend."
Friday [9/12]: Val comes home from Newtown; Murphy Street [guess what goes down on Murphy Street].
Saturday [9/13]: Bottle and Cork Day at La Nebbia Winery; heading to Marin to visit my aunt and uncle.
Sunday [9/14]: Napa.
Monday [9/15]: Install new liver.

Amazing.

Because you should have the legal right to carry a gun into a library

2008-09-05T14:39:00.003-07:00

Read it. FTW. BRILLIANT!

• Democratic giggles ripple across the country

2008-09-02T11:17:00.004-07:00

Yah. I laughed out loud. At this.

P.S. Did you know she's a 'Creationist'? That's useful information. I mean, it totally makes sense that the world was created in only 7 days and there's no possible way that we could be related to chimpanzees, even though our makeup is so similar... No, no, I was ripped out of some dude's ribcage... or molded from mud... or something. Maybe that explains why I smell so terrible.

This weekend, my mother tried to argue with me that it's okay to support the NRA for the purpose of hunting if you intend to eat your kill [right, because the NRA was created for the purpose of 'hunting for food']. I argued that it's okay to support abortion for the purpose of post-rape pregnancies. She argued that comparing the NRA and abortion just isn't comprehensible. I argued that killing any living soul on this planet is going to send you to hell anyway [insert Catholic guilt here], so we should probably all just become vegans. She said I've officially been living on the west coast for too long. I wonder how she feels about the country's Republicans pushing for a 17-year-old to marry the father of her unborn child just to try and win a race. Because that, ladies and gents, is really what this campaign is all about.

• Twitter is love

2008-08-22T11:58:00.003-07:00

It's not very often that I praise the wondrous technology that is social networking (who am I kidding), but I have to say that I really, really, really love Twitter.

Six months ago, @joerib turned me on to Twitter. I didn't get it, I thought it was stupid and frustrating and that these people were complete idiots for wasting their time talking to empty space about nothing... and then I read the 'first rule of Twitter':

"You're going to have to follow at least 60-100 people before you start to 'get it'."

Only then did I start to see the conversations form, to see who was talking to who, who moved the community, who was snarky, who was serious, who paid attention to other people's commentary, who was social, who was introverted, you name it. All these personalities started to emerge and I started to learn about people in places I wasn't particularly familiar with, who did things I wasn't familiar with,learned about what it means to be famous in the land of social media and some of these folks even became friends. I have no way of knowing whether or not I would have ever met any of these people otherwise.

I have to admit that it's pretty unique to be the voyeur to so many people's lives. I think that the mask of anonymity really helps people to vent their frustrations in a public arena and not even feel the least bit badly about doing so. I also think it's fascinating that people openly express their personalities in text so effectively. So far, the folks I have met have been spot-on to their Twitter personae (@scottypboston, @jpostman, @cathybrooks) and I imagine that others are exactly the same way (@mattyfo, @CoachDeb, @Geletka, @dooce, @FabGirl, @SeanMarler). I can't wait to meet you all.

Most importantly, I think it has been most encouraging that people in this circle really do talk to each other - professional recommendations are abundant, and I was fortunate enough to have landed my job just because @joerib introduced me to Twitter six months ago. Pretty f-ing cool, if you ask me.

• The "Oh, Shit" Clause

2008-08-21T12:44:00.005-07:00

Today, I fell victim to the "Oh, Shit" Clause.

Fortunately, it wasn't really my fault. The director and I had agreed that an email going out to all of our clients announcing our new name and the site's downtime would be sent out today at 11am EST (okay, well, I argued and said next Friday, but he decided today would be better). Luckily for me, he forgot to then inform the Marketing Director and CEO that this would be happening. Fan.tas.tic.

The "Oh, Shit" Clause states that copious amount of vulgarity are permitted in any office situation that I feel justifies such an outburst.

Good thing it wasn't really my fault. Except that this was the third or fourth issue to pop up today (that was 'my' fault), which lead to said outburst. Fortunately, everyone here is so damn sugary sweet and doesn't really want to step on anyone else's toes, I didn't get full-on bitched out for causing the problem.

It's about time we set up some better communication strategies here.

*Update: I put my karma points in by returning to Subway to pay for yesterday's sandwich that they let me take with me even though I didn't have enough cash (their computers were down) - this subsequently turned things around at work and everyone left happy. Hoorayyyy karma!

• These are not your Barbie's heels

2008-08-21T11:14:00.018-07:00

Yah, they're better.

In an attempt to make sure that I look hot when guests come into our office, I felt the need to break out these heels today:

I'm quite sure that my fellow coworkers wonder what the hell is going on with me. I wear crappy jeans and a hoodie one day, and the next, I'm decked out like Roman Holiday (literally). Supposedly, sex sells... I might as well offer a little taste to the lovely gay men who wander into our offices to try to convince us that they are the advertising agency to work with. I'm just trying to channel Madonna and aim to please with my own personal version of pointy bras. However, given that my feet (and other parts of me) are frozen, I haven't decided if it's more fun to occasionally exceed their expectations or to hide under swaths of clothing because it's about 22 degrees in my office on any given day.

On a bright note, I've decided not to hack off my hair again. After spending six weeks sans hair dryer, awaiting its return from its own personal NYC holiday, I bit the bullet and purchased a new hair dryer. Since I started actually getting out of bed early enough to have enough time to beautify myself, I realize that my hair does not look as horrific as it has the past few weeks, all limp and air-dried. Besides, the combination Roman Holiday and new hair dryer has finally captured the attention of the fine gentlemen of the South Bay (free lunches all around). Wonder what will happen if I throw a little makeup on?

The weekend is a'comin!! Friday brings the joy of yet another 415 social with The Conversation Group. Last time I went to on of their shindigs, I remember (vaguely) having a pretty fabulous time grooving out to their funky tunes and drinking their high-quality liquor. This weekend's a busy one. Outside Lands Festival is happening in SF, Radiohead tomorrow night, Tom Petty Saturday... I'm not sure about this whole thing; my poor bank account had enough of a heart attack after this week's Ikea excursions. No biggie, Radiohead is worth the hassle (ow ow ow) and I'm looking forward to spending some time with some good people. Best shenanigans and free booze of all time. Wish me luck with my costume changes from work to 415 to Outside Lands.

• There's something to be said for living by yourself

2008-08-19T12:06:00.000-07:00

When was the last time I could run around dancing to Estelle in my underwear? I mean, really, I think my sister would have been offended. There's something to be said for hanging out at home... watching Michael Phelps on tv... anyway, I digress.

In an effort to increase readership to the levels it used to be, content may become increasingly vulgar from now on. I tried to keep my professional face forward for a really long time, but let's be honest; no one wants to read that crap. I get a little jealous reading Awkwardly Social and decided it would really be valuable for me to go back to being honest about my life in all aspects.

Regardless, I'm living the life. I was re-reading my [other blog] a few days ago and wondering what I was thinking. I invested a lot into other people, really fantastic people, but only invested education into myself. While I felt that was "worthwhile" (okay, it got me a job, I'm not sure how much I actually learned), I can't believe how much time I wasted. Sometimes I feel bad about talking crap about Boston and living there and what the experience was like, but then people follow up with the question, "Then why did you stay there for so long?"

There are things I loved about my life in Boston. There are things that I think I had to experience in order to get to where I am now, but I also wonder if I would have been able to just skip all of that and arrive where I am now. Not sure. Don't care. I made it and things are good.

I'm lucky, extraordinarily lucky, in fact, to have found a group of friends here almost immediately with the help of a random stranger on a plane. I'm sorry to say that I don't think New Englanders were ever as warm and open to inviting new people into the group as these folks have been. I feel a little strange about being wrapped into this so quickly, but I think that has to do with my own insecurities about the way my friendships ended back on the east coast. I constantly question the things I'm saying in a group, apologize for the slightest bit of negativity. Part of me hopes that the constant self-evaluation will end, but at the same time, I think it is necessary for me to hide behind the curtain awhile longer until I get my mouth under control.

On a bright note, I've spent a lot of time decorating my new abode, a comfortable 750 square foot 1 bedroom apartment down in Sunnyvale, CA. This involved several trips to Target, as well as an entire weekend of traveling back and forth to Ikea, buying, returning, buying, returning... but let's be honest. It was all to impress a guy. I couldn't let him into my apartment with it looking all unfinished and disheveled, could I?

More to come, boys and girls, more to come...

whatever it is you think you are, you aren't:

2008-08-19T09:21:00.007-07:00

Life is unreal.

This is the first time I've staying in one state for longer than 2 weeks at a time in the past six months. I feel like I finally lined up all the dominoes in a straight line and once I tapped the first one, it wasn't any problem at all to get them to all fall.

Pretty f-ing cool.

So I have had plenty of time to work through all my crap and I'm finding it's incredibly easy to fit into the lifestyle here. It's a little odd, I feel as if I have taken the easy way out.

This weekend was the Outside Lands music festival in San Francisco. Saw a bit of this and a bit of that (mostly just Beck and Radiohead), and had a good time, but spent the rest of the the weekend dealing with a bout of not-so-well-cooked food.

I think that people try to evoke a certain amount of control in their lives but when things start to spiral a bit, they clench even tighter, thinking that by closing toxicity off, it will solve the root of the problem all together. It took me over a year and a half to realize that if I just let things happen the way they're supposed to, I end up here. I never knew it was so easy to just be happy and I hope these people know how grateful I am to them for showing me just how easy it is.

This weekend, I'm going surfing in Santa Cruz. Wish me luck... a great white was spotted up at Stinson, so hopefully he plans on staying there and doesn't plan on coming down to nom on me, but you never know. If I disappear forever, you'll know what happened. Or will you?

• INcommunicato?

2008-08-05T21:54:00.004-07:00

So, I spent the day today waiting for my Pod to arrive from Boston. As luck has it, I'm no so lucky and did a complete runaround all day long to locate what was happening, when and where. Suffice to say that I spent most of my day failing at building Target furniture and diddling around on work stuff.

Sometimes, I feel like things a deliberately made more difficult than they should ever be... i.e. in the case of my furniture building. There's a lot of things that could really make things much easier, like arrows, shapes, other annoying guiding features that help stupid people like me figure things out. In turn, this made me think about what I'm doing for work and how to make things as simple as possible for everyone involved to figure out how to effectively communicate with one another. I looked at sites like Twitter, which encourages peer teaching to enable users to learn about their community. There are communities like MySpace and Facebook that depend on current users to invite others they know and to build their community by simply adding more of your real-life friends, associates, schoolmates, coworkers, etc.

How can I do this with a financial networking site? Do people want to be "social"? Do they want to be argumentative? Are they funny people? Will they understand the benefits and drawbacks of communicating and building their network, or will they only use the tools and features we offer to track their own earning? WHY will they communicate? How would these people have gotten together to talk about investing if it was a live scenario?

My brain hurts.

• Happy, healthy life

2008-08-03T21:57:00.003-07:00

So, I'm a week and a half into living in California, one week down at my new job. I couldn't be happier, no joke. I have met so many great people in the last 12 days that I can barely remember and detail everything that I've done. I've been running around nonstop from one end of the city to the other, meeting up with friends on the East Bay for an A's game, shopping for vintage goodies in Mill Valley and San Anselmo, wandering Golden Gate Park, wandering around Mountain View and Sunnyvale, meeting up with new friends at the Buddha Bar in Mountain View... hanging out with my new coworkers. It's completely bizarre. I'm sorry to have dropped off the face of the planet there for a few weeks, but I'll be back more now that I have a home, a couch, and am able to steal me some internets from my neighbor.

On a bright(er) note, I may have to travel back to the east coast to meet up with another prospective investor for my start-up. I'm terrified to meet with him in person, he's a very big personality on the phone so I'm not sure how this will go over, but I suppose it's good for the experience, right? If things work out properly, I'll be able to close the deal on my first round of funding and start developing! Squee!!!

Cheers to a new life and endless change!

• Two very long weeks

2008-07-20T00:44:00.002-07:00

Hello, blogosphere, bloggoland, blogger central, blogtools, and blog wtf is this people.

I am alive.

So... this has been a hellacious two weeks, I must say.

I was offered a fabulous job in NYC (let's not kid ourselves, it was in White Plains) and I was set. I was psyched, ready to go, ready to make the big move and start working full time again... except...

I got a call. Call said, "Call me back. We'd like to give you a phone interview." Uh... hmm.... really? Well. All right. I guess it's just a phone interview. Much like the other phone interviews, I expected less than nothing from it.

Except that then they wanted me to interview in California. And so I did. And they spent two hours talking to me.

And then... they asked me why I really wanted this job. Apparently, I came up with the right answer.

Oddly enough, a few days later, I got an email. "Sorry I never got back to you, I never checked this email, can we chat?" This, of course, in reference to the seven million emails/letters/flowers/fruit baskets I sent out to investors regarding my personal startup. Turns out someone actually thinks my idea is valid and was willing to put a significant amount of (financial) faith in me. Wow. This calls for a very grand OMG, wtf is happening to my life? I just sat around for 6 months wondering, wallowing and widowing (essentially) about my misfortune and misgivings and, I'm sorry, WTF JUST HAPPENED IN 1 WEEK?! WHAT?

So, that said, here I am. Sitting in my friend Cara's house in Boston at 3:47am on Sunday morning trying to rationalize all the huge mistakes I made in order to get me to this place. Amazing, yet... I have no idea. I went out today, and, inexplicably, ran into 95% of the people I had no intention of seeing on this trip, primarily my ex. I made very specific decisions about where I was willing to go out with people and why, mostly because there was no way in hell he would possibly show up in those areas on a Saturday night. Why would he? It's d-bag town all around and I know he'd rather stay close to home where things are much more mellow and popped-collar central is far from delving into his relative stomping ground (sorry, is that even English? I'm drunk... it's late...) Anyway... wrong, wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong I was. There he was.

There he was.

My friend Dennis asked me if I was going to California with an achin' in my heart. I thought I was being cute and funny sending out some Zepp as my formal announcement, but then I had to think to myself, was I? At the time, I thought no.

Today, I think otherwise.
There he was.

• I used to know where I put things...

2008-07-06T19:18:00.009-07:00

Ben Sollee.

I listened to this interview on All Things Considered yesterday and had to check out his album.

The best part of the interview is when he talks about his song, "Panning for Gold".

"This song isn't so much about religion and spiritualism as much as it is just about aging. Both my grandparents are dealing with dementia right now and they've just sort of forgotten all that they created and did. I simply used the character of God and the idea that if he created everything he could potentially forget that he created it and it would be up to us to show the beauty he created."

For the first time in a long time, I got that. Hope you do, too. :-)

This week, I'm heading to the left coast for an interview adventure. When I return, I'm going to have to make some very big decisions about my life, but at least I'm starting to feel ready to make those decisions. I hope the people that I put on hold for a little while will understand... I feel terrible for just pausing my life all together, but sometimes that's the way things have to go. I finally feel like I'm breathing again on my own and I'm looking forward to the next... to the next everything, really: friendship, failure, learning experience, recipe, job, home, argument, bottle of wine, the next.

Hope you had a happy 4th of July!

• Utterly dorktacular

2008-06-28T15:05:00.000-07:00

• Fish heads, fish heads...

2008-06-25T20:30:00.001-07:00

Very pretty things sold here.

I've been busy. So sue me.

Today's uber-fabulous lyrics provided by Dr. Demento, "Fish Heads".

• Don't expend your energy on something that you don't believe

2008-06-18T15:26:00.004-07:00

A few days ago, I came across the 1-, 5-, and 10-year plans I had written about two years ago.

It's absolutely amazing how much your life can change in just a few months. The people, the goals, the achievements, all of them have changed, I've accomplished a slew of short-term goals, but so many of my long-term goals were dependent upon other people around me that I'm almost shocked at how few of them I can accomplish without those people in my life. Most of the plans simply require alteration, but I can't help but feel less committed to them as I had hoped to share particular things with particular people; other things seem new and refreshed without the presence of outside influences there. It was such an overwhelming task to write these things all out the first time around but I'm considering writing them over again with my own, personal future in mind. As friends and family leave, move out of, or change around me or my life and new people enter, adjustments can be made to the plan to accommodate, but this plan should focus on what I want my life to be.

It sucks putting it all in writing. There's a pretty high probability that you'll fail at most things, but that little sliver of hope that you'll succeed at one or two will [hopefully] make up for that. Guess I'll find out.

In other news, I had an overnight layover in DC and went to see that 'rents new digs in Vienna, VA. It still amazes me the amount of money that is put into building development and extraordinary building design for projects as simple as condos to bank buildings to the retaining wall around the Ernst & Young building [really nice stone wall... not cheap]. This, in addition to many other reasons, is why I dislike Florida. Images coming soon. Blame the dead battery.

Lyrics provided today by "The Cactus Life" [Balance Problems]

• And so we meet and there are sparks...

2008-06-17T20:19:00.003-07:00

No real post for tonight, as I spent the day traveling and then a few hours on the rooftop of a parking garage with some friends.

For your enjoyment:

Lyrics: "Are you lightning?" [Nada Surf]

• Happy Father's Day

2008-06-15T13:55:00.003-07:00

Happy Father's Day to my Dad, the most wonderful man on earth.

I'd like to thank him for building the home I grew up in
teaching me how to draw bunnies
carrying me on his shoulders
explaining to me mistakes might change the world and if not, they might change one person
loving bubblegum pop music with awful synth sounds
teaching me to love architecture from the top to the foundation and every nut and bolt in between, even if they have fallen out and are laying on the ground
telling me that he was lucky to meet the woman he wanted to spend the rest of his life with so young; few people get that opportunity and my time will come
for loving my mother and all her quirkiness
for being patient when I don't know how to explain something in words
for letting me learn what I wanted to learn with no restrictions
for cooking breakfast every Sunday
for my nose
my pale skin
my artistic sense
for teaching me to love everyone, even if they do not love in return
to be quiet when enough has been said
and for Paul Simon.

Father and Daughter
[Paul Simon]

If you leap awake
In the mirror of a bad dream
And for a fraction of a second
You can't remember where you are
Just open your window
And follow your memory upstream
To the meadow in the mountain
Where we counted every falling star

I believe the light that shines on you
Will shine on you forever
And though I can't guarantee
There's nothing scary hiding under your bed
I’m gonna stand guard
Like a postcard of a Golden Retriever
And never leave till I leave you
With a sweet dream in your head

I'm gonna watch you shine
Gonna watch you grow
Gonna paint a sign
So you'll always know
As long as one and one is two
There could never be a father
Who loved his daughter more than I love you

Trust your intuition
It's just like going fishing
You cast your line
And hope you'll get a bite
But you don't need to waste your time
Worrying about the market place
Try to help the human race
Struggling to survive its harshest night

I'm gonna watch you shine
Gonna watch you grow
Gonna paint a sign
So you'll always know
As long as one and one is two
There could never be a father
Who loved his daughter more than I love you

I'm gonna watch you shine
Gonna watch you grow
Gonna paint a sign
So you'll always know
As long as one and one is two
There could never be a father
Who loved his daughter more than I love you

• Give me gravity, give me clarity, give me something to rely on

2008-06-13T13:26:00.002-07:00

In a time where consumers are basically freaking-the-hell-out because they can no longer afford their big waste-y vehicles, can't afford to go on vacation, can't afford to drive across two states to take their kids to see their grandparents, because they continue to use and waste in ways that are unfathomable when looked at from a broader spectrum, I am thanking JetBlue for making me stop caring about any of that.

Life cannot possibly get better than getting Wi-Fi in the sky.

In other news: I'm going to try and title all of my future blogs using song lyrics. This one brought to you by The Receiving End of Sirens, "This Armistice".

• Either way, do something with yourself

2008-06-12T08:49:00.004-07:00

Henry Wadsworth Longfellow:

"The heights by great men reached and kept / Were not attained by sudden flight, / But they, while their companions slept, / Were toiling upward in the night."

Henri Frederic Amiel:

"Work while you have the light. You are responsible for the talent that has been entrusted to you."

• Fried Green Tomato BLT

2008-06-09T18:40:00.005-07:00

This was... a lot of fun to make, but VERY time consuming and, overall, a huge pain in the ass. I highly recommend it, try it out once, just for fun, and then never do it again. Thanks to Epicurious.com for this delicious recipe... that I made adjustments to.

Fried Green Tomato BLTs (*starred items I added into my recipe)

2 cups loosely packed fresh basil leaves
1 1/4 cups mayonnaise
3 tablespoons fresh lemon juice
1 tablespoon Dijon mustard
18 1/8-inch-thick slices pancetta*
(*I HALVED this part of the recipe and it was more than enough.)

18 1/4-inch-thick slices green tomatoes (about 6 tomatoes)
1 cup all purpose flour
1/2 cup yellow cornmeal
3 large eggs, beaten to blend
1 cup olive oil

6 1/4-inch-thick slices red tomatoes (about 2 tomatoes)
6 1/4-inch-thick slices yellow tomatoes (about 2 tomatoes)
1 1/2 cups thinly sliced arugula
*1 thinly sliced avocado, soaked in lemon juice (to prevent browning)
*8 slices lightly toasted 5-grain Italian bread

Preparation

Puree basil, 1/4 cup mayonnaise, lemon juice, and mustard in processor until smooth. Transfer to small bowl; mix in remaining 1 cup mayonnaise and season to taste with salt and pepper. (Can be made 1 day ahead. Cover and refrigerate.)
Preheat oven to 350°F. Arrange pancetta in single layer on rimmed baking sheet. Cook until pancetta is just crisp, about 15 minutes. Transfer to paper towels to drain. Reduce oven temperature to 200°F.

Sprinkle all green tomato slices with salt and pepper. Place 1/2 cup flour in shallow bowl. Mix remaining 1/2 cup flour with cornmeal in another shallow bowl to blend. Working with 1 green tomato slice at a time, coat with flour, then egg, then flour-cornmeal mixture. Transfer to baking sheet. Line second baking sheet with paper towels. Heat oil in heavy large skillet over medium-high heat. Working in batches, fry green tomatoes until golden brown, about 2 minutes per side. Using slotted spoon, transfer to prepared baking sheet; sprinkle with salt and pepper. Keep warm in oven.

Sprinkle red and yellow tomatoes with salt and pepper. Place 1 fried green tomato slice on top of a slice of lightly toasted bread on each of 6 plates. Spread each with 1 teaspoon basil mayonnaise, then top with 2 tablespoons arugula, 1 slice pancetta, 1 slice red tomato, another fried green tomato, 1 slice yellow tomato, pancetta, and another 2 tablespoons arugula. Spoon 1 teaspoon mayonnaise over arugula, then top with remaining fried green tomatoes. Spoon 1 teaspoon mayonnaise atop green tomato. Add a thin layer of avocado. Finish with remaining pancetta and serve.

Market Tip: Look for green tomatoes at your local farmers' market or a specialty foods store, or order them from Melissa's (800-588-0151; www.melissas.com).

*Pancetta, Italian bacon cured in salt, is available at Italian markets and some specialty food stores and supermarkets.

Fried tomatoes are such a pain to make, but if you have the patience, do it. NOTE: This recipe is HUGE, there were five of us eating and we only ate just over half of what I made, so keep that in mind. You may want to halve the entire recipe, not just the mayo-sauce-stuff. I recommend a light, sunny beer, i.e. Allagash White Ale to go with this sandwich. Cheers!

• Love-Hate Amtrak

2008-06-08T16:16:00.002-07:00

1. The AAA discount.

I booked my one-way ticket from DC to NYC yesterday. The actual price of the ticket was $98.00, but I only paid $88.20 because of my AAA discount. On a last minute fare.

2. The leg room.

Even in coach class, I am stretched out, reclined, have plenty of space for my backpack on the ground in front of me, my luggage overhead... It just doesn't compare to the two square feet made available on a USAirways flight. Thank god.

3. The power adapter.

Every single set of seats in coach class has a 120v power adapter. For those of us still behind in the times with a normal cell phone (sans BlackBerry/iPhone), this works well for people like myself who want to do some writing on the computer instead.

4. The wireless internet.

In existence on some trains, mostly Acela Express at this point, but Amtrak hopes to expand wireless service over time.

5. Security processes.

There are none. They glance at your ticket and you're on your way. No one rifling through your bags, no one fondling you with a metal detector, no air jets detecting you for bomb goodies... You just simply board. the. train.

6. On-time service.

It is now 8:19am. Nine minutes ago, my train departed Union Station, DC on-time, at 8:10am. There is no hold up, no wait time to get other trains out in front of you, no international push on Sunday night, no weather delays, you just go - and the majority of the time, on-time.

7. Timing.

Got to the station this morning at 7:35am. My train, again, was scheduled to depart at 8:10am. I checked in at the kiosk at 7:40am, walked down to my gate, waited for about twenty minutes, and boarded the train. Ah-ma-zing. I didn't have to get up two hours earlier, to wait in line at check-in, to wait in line for security, to wait in line to board. None of that.

8. Total travel time.

It took about 35 minutes to get from Alexandria to Union Station. 20 minutes waiting time, 3 hours and 8 minutes travel time to Penn station. Total travel time into Manhattan, 4 hours 3 minutes, give or take a few. If I had flown from Reagan to LGA, how long would it have taken? About the same amount of time, plus the cost of taxi from LGA, plus waking up three hours earlier to arrive at the airport for the obligatory 'two hours early' for check in (which, I realize, almost no one does anymore). Lame.

It has its imperfections... and yet I still almost prefer it to flying these days. What do you think Amtrak can do to improve its services for you?

• South of the Border, SC

2008-05-31T21:23:00.007-07:00

I am spending the next several days driving to Washington, DC. The last time I drove down 95, I remembered seeing South of the Border, SC as we passed it from the other side of the highway, too late to stop.

It is a miracle, a Mexican Las Vegas-esque oasis in the middle of nowhere, South Carolina. Or so I thought.

It looks amazing. In one night, this one town must use the same amount of electricity as the rest of the state uses in one month. There is more neon covering a half square mile than I've ever seen outside of Vegas. However, with all the neon and flashing lights, you would think this place would be hopping on a Saturday night. They've got arcade games, restaurants, bars, motels... and no one was there.

Two restaurants we walked into closed at 10:00pm. It was 9:50pm; they both pointed to Pedro's, "They're open until midnight!," Great.

We walked into Pedro's to get some burgers or tacos or whatever they were selling, and there was Pedro himself, mopping the floor with the dirtiest bucket of water I've ever seen, smoking his cigarette and snarking at us with a glare as we walked in. We ordered our goodies at the counter, and the cashier, using the high-tech ordering system they had (paper orders... handed to the 'chef') wandered out to her car to smoke... something, forgetting to hand our order to the casher. We're sitting, waiting for about 10 minutes before we even realize what the problem is. No one else is in the restaurant, just us and Pedro. I wander outside to take some photographs of this bizarre place. On my way out, Pedro snarks some more as I walk over his freshly mopped floor. Another cashier figures out the problem, completes our order and we're on our way. It appears that there should be some life here, but the lots are empty, the stores are closed...

I bet you thought this story was going somewhere... no, no, South of the Border, SC is just that frightening.

• I Spy Southwest in the Sky

2008-05-29T13:08:00.004-07:00

I was walking out of the grocery store today, happened to look up at the sky and what did I see above?

A Southwest Airlines airplane, crossing directly overhead.

There it was, thousands of feet up in the air, but I knew it was a Southwest plane, there was no doubt in my mind. I couldn't read the logo, but the company has done such a fantastic job by branding their business simply by maintaining their color scheme that, by simply looking at the underbelly of the plane from thousands of feet below, I could identify the fact that this was, indeed, a Southwest plane. Two very simple identifiers: airplane, color scheme, and I knew what it meant.

The thought was kind of striking... it made me wonder if I could choose two things about myself that would brand me for life, what would they be?

What might they be for you?

• Busy Day

2008-05-28T17:57:00.006-07:00

I had a ridiculously busy day today, working on research for Joel Postman, figuring out where I'm going to be over the next few weeks, and prepping for an interview with a company I would really like to work for in the future.

Then, I spent the rest of the day working on a project for a friend who wants to start a blog for his company. Given the wide array of information he is trying to get out via social media, we had to come up with a comparison tool to present to the big guns at his firm. Lee Odden at TopRank® posted a great article on his blog to help marketers compare marketing tools, including these two lists:

Direct Marketing:

• Develop top level messaging
• Research and build an email list
• Acquire snail mail lists and segment
• Create and implement a series of email offers to the list with landing pages
• Create and implement a series of direct mail pieces
• Setup and run PPC campaign(s) with landing pages
• Craft story and press releases
• Research publications for planned stories and journalists covering the topic
• Distribute optimized press releases via wire services
• Pitch story to industry and regional publications, editors/journalists
• Leverage coverage from pitching as part of final email promotions
• Solicit feedback from those signing up and use as testimonials for subsequent promotions

Social Media Marketing:

• Monitor discussion on social communities and networks for key conversations, keywords and topics
• Identify top concerns relevant to what the company is promoting and develop messaging for solution
• Identify influentials in the social communities, bloggers and authorities - ask them their opinion
• Identify media types most often used with topics and communities - text, video, image, podcast as well platforms for communication: blog posts, comments, microblogging, status updates, social network notes, social news and bookmarking and as possible, direct messaging and IM
• Create messaging specific to media type and platform as way of sharing information about the offer
• Create content destinations that explain the offer and that also offer the opportunity to interact, share opinions and comments - blog posts, video, event pages on social networks (like a landing page, but focused on being informative and encouraging discussion, not salesey)
• Reach out to influentials on a one to one basis, recognizing them for sharing their opinion, explaining the offer and your goals - ask them to join in in spreading the good word. Explain what’s in it for them and what’s in it for the community.
• Monitor the communications that result in the most signups and provide feedback on progress
• Offer influential bloggers a “free pass” to blog the event or a preview of what’s being offered
• Recognize participation and contribution to reaching goals
• Continue to engage interested participants and communities

Right now, the company uses direct mail to reach clients and internal messaging to reach employees. By taking on a social media aspect to their marketing, there huge benefits and potential implications. The company made an attempt to publish webisodes talking about company policies, changed, new information, etc. but the point being social media is going into it full throttle and not holding back. It requires much more time and attention than standard direct marketing, which tends to use the "ready, fire, aim" method, instead. There's a level of involvement on the client's part that requires them to come back and, in some way, openly express themselves while learning about the information put forth by the social media. By involving the clients in this way, it gives them a level of responsibility to uphold, "I need to read and comment on this blog, or else they won't hear me," or "I need to make sure I respond to Jim from ABC Company's questions on ABC Company's social networking site, because they need to know how dissatisfied I am with their service." This manifests some pretty tough issues to consider, however... what if they don't read it? What if no one participates? Brand it. Engage your interested participants and communities. Make sure the information that is presented is relevant to the readers, that they are gaining something by participating.

When Southwest Airlines had to respond to violating FAA requirements regarding airline inspections of Boeing 737s, they responded by posting a blog entitled "We Take Safety Seriously". A wide variety of comments trickled down behind that post, ranging from "I don't believe you," to "I have faith in SWA-------More than any other airline - If you lack confidence STAY HOME !!" Debbie Weil at BlogWrite for CEOs questions whether or not this is the ideal way to broach the subject with consumers. Do consumers feel this is a valid way to break bad news, or should they follow traditional media outlets, such as press releases and conferences to address the issue.

Many, many considerations should be made when developing a blog for business. What information stays internal, what can be externalized to clients? What are the implications of each post? Are there legal implications to the message being sent to customers? Is using social media a financially viable option for your company (employing someone to take on this job is a full time extravagance that not every business can afford)? Even consider the social implications that an internal blog might have; use language that everyone understands. Avoid the assumption that everyone understands acronyms that your division uses on a regular basis. Don't make the mistake and jump right in, make the plan.

I have a busy few weeks ahead, Washington, DC, Portland(?), New York, Orlando and maybe a quick trip to the Caribbean just for fun. Right. Check in here for pretty pictures from my travels. With that, I leave you for waffles.

• High Class Burgers

2008-05-27T20:16:00.005-07:00

I made this tonight.... they were grand. The best part of the whole thing? I think prep time was maybe... 15 minutes. I know it says 30, but I made the remoulade as the burgers were cooking. Awesome.

Beef-and-Lamb Burgers with Cheddar and Caper Remoulade

TOTAL TIME: 30 MIN
SERVES: 4

"Pairing Note: The lamb in this juicy burger adds a complex flavor, but the tangy remoulade created a pairing conundrum for Marnie Old. Her original choice, a Chilean Cabernet, overpowered the burger and the remoulade. So she swapped in a 2006 Viña Cobos El Felino Malbec, which “pulls out the lamb’s great flavors,” she said. Sam Calagione’s selection, Brooklyn Brewery Brown Ale, was even more successful. Made from roasted malt, it has deep caramel and coffee flavors “that are great with the charred burger,” Sam said. Marnie agreed. “Plus the carbonation is really refreshing here,” she said."

INGREDIENTS

4 cornichons, coarsely chopped (aka gherkins if you can't find cornichons)
3 tablespoons parsley leaves, coarsely chopped
2 teaspoons drained capers
1 garlic clove I'd use two next time
1/2 cup mayonnaise Considering using plain yogurt next time instead)
1 tablespoon whole-grain mustard I'd use two tbsp next time
3/4 pound ground beef, preferably 80 percent lean
1/2 pound ground lamb
Kosher salt and freshly ground black pepper
4 English muffins, split
4 thin slices of aged cheddar, preferably farmhouse
Tomato slices and thinly sliced English cucumber, for garnish (optional)

DIRECTIONS

Light a grill. In a mini food processor, pulse the cornichons with the parsley leaves, capers and garlic clove until finely chopped. Add the mayonnaise and mustard and pulse until blended.
In a large bowl, gently mix the ground beef with the ground lamb and season generously with salt and pepper. Form the meat mixture into four 1-inch-thick patties and make a slight indentation in the center of each one with your thumb. Season the burgers with salt and pepper.
Grill the English muffin halves cut side down until toasted, about 1 minute. Flip the muffins and grill for 30 seconds longer. Transfer to a work surface cut side up and spread the bottom halves of the muffins with the caper remoulade.
Grill the burgers over high heat until they are nicely charred on the bottom, about 4 minutes. Flip the burgers, top them with the cheddar cheese and grill until cooked to medium and the cheese melts, about 4 minutes longer. Transfer the burgers to the toasted English muffins and let rest for 5 minutes. Top the burgers with the tomatoes and cucumbers if desired, close the burgers and serve.

MAKE AHEAD? The caper remoulade can be refrigerated in an airtight container for up to 3 days.

WINE A Malbec, such as the 2006 Viña Cobos El Felino. Or, a beer with deep roasted malt flavors: Brooklyn Brewery Brown Ale.

Yayyyyy Brooklyn Brown! Way to make it into Food&Wine mag, cheers to you.

• 310

2008-05-26T20:44:00.003-07:00

Tonight, I had dinner at 310 Park South, a classy restaurant and bar on Park Ave. in Orlando. To be completely honest, I had been here before for a Gators game, beer and bar food, and had about the same expectations for dinner tonight. Wrong, oh-wrong I was.

My appetizer was a glass of Shiraz/Pinotage/Merlot/Cabernet “Blueish Black” Post House (South Africa). Glorious flavors that ranged from berries to chocolate, it was a waterfall of flavors. I loved it. My date had a glass of Cabernet/Shiraz/Merlot/Cabernet Franc “Clancy’s” Peter Lehmann (Aust.), which was a little more rich, solo-toned and good to drink with red, red meats.

Dinner was ordered... I mistakenly ordered a Cobb salad (okay, it wasn't a mistake, it was hot, I wanted something light). There was nothing wrong with the salad, it just wasn't as good as the 310 Smoked Salmon Pappardelle my date ordered. "Our house smoked salmon filet served over fresh pappardelle pasta tossed with a spicy red pepper white wine cream sauce." That it was. The pasta was quite possibly the best I've had in a restaurant, fresh, soft and buttery, a perfect complement to the spicy seasoning in the cream sauce and on the salmon.

I didn't have any intention of ordering dessert, but how could I resist when the waiter brought out a tray of goodies including fresh pistachio gelato and chocolate mousse.

I ordered myself a cup of tea (a tasty chai tea) and the chocolate mousse. My date ordered the pistachio gelato. Given that the waiter wasn't aware that chai usually comes with cream and sugar, I decided to take a risk and toss some pistachio gelato into my chai. You wouldn't have thought the flavors would combine, but they were fantastic. The chocolate mousse and fresh fruit [blueberries, blackberries, raspberries] came served in a chocolate cup, served with a tri-fold of glorious sauces - green apple, a light coconut cream, and chocolate. I haven't said this in a long time, but I think I may have found my new favorite dessert. I wouldn't even let the waiter take my plate until I had gotten every ounce of the sauces off of the plate... really, that good! Next time I go to indulge, I'll make sure to take a picture.

Cheers to good eats!

• Wondering if this is true for me

2008-05-25T19:57:00.004-07:00

"I'd rather regret the things I have done
than the things that I haven't."

-Lucille Ball

• Adventure Jane seeks Wile E. Coyote

2008-05-24T00:59:00.002-07:00

Adventure Jane seeks Wile E. Coyote for crazy-stupid, crazy-beautiful trip across the US of A.

Come and join me. On a bicycle.

Adventure Jane is off to take photographs of the farmers' market... yes, at 4:00am.

Eeeech.

• The importance of...

2008-05-23T19:40:00.004-07:00

The importance of making moves.

Most people spend their whole lives reacting to what is happening around them.

You see the problems, you hear the rants, you feel your emotions well up and you react.

No more reacting. Now is the time to make moves. Stop reacting. You are the one with all the control, within yourself, to make the moves to better the situation for everyone. Stop reacting.

Start making moves.

• None shall be squared

2008-05-22T22:28:00.000-07:00

None shall be squared

some shall be curved, round about the edges
some shall be elongated,
reach for the stars above treetops

some shall lay on flower petals
some shall sleep, leaning against a window in a car
some shall weep, swim inside their small pools and leave them behind on the pillow for someone else to clean
some shall take on a gelatinous form, oozing through your fingers
some shall be built in pyramids
some shall sit in chairs
some shall wander aimlessly

but none
not a one
shall be squared

Inspired by megfowler and her blog entitled, "None shall be spared".

• Blog across the nation?

2008-05-22T19:47:00.004-07:00

Given my present circumstances, I have begun considering some really crazy options.

1. Joining the Peace Corps
2. Taking a bike and blogging across the nation
3. Selling my body to science (?)

I know, I know that's not a lot of crazy stuff, but... okay, the first two options, I have seriously considered. More recently, blogging across the nation. Find other prominent bloggers and meet up with them along the way, interview them, make them dinner, beg them to crash on their couch [yah, I'm just not a 'tent' kind of girl], but be crazy enough to bike my way from Florida to Washington. Think anyone would sponsor me?

My chubby ass can't sit on this couch any longer.

• I only fly one way

2008-05-22T19:20:00.002-07:00

New trend in my life? Flying one-way, everywhere. I think it has something to do with the fact that I've stopped caring about where I end up and that I'll find something to do no matter where I go... so, here we go. Not sure where I'm headed next, but I have to decide tonight... preferably, somewhere that will let me work for a few days.

• Just curious...

2008-05-20T22:16:00.004-07:00

Curious to know what you think.

Do you think, with all the controversy around terrorism and the hype behind negatively targeting specific groups of people, that Paula Abdul [of Syrian descent] could reach the same height in her music career today [if she was just starting out] as she did back in the late 80s, early 90s?

Just wondering...

• Deliciousness

2008-05-20T21:37:00.003-07:00

Tonight I created this recipe:

1 lb fresh yellowtail tuna steak

Juice of two [Murcott] honey tangerines
1 TBSP brown sugar

1/4 c water
2-3 TBSP rice vinegar
2-3 tsp red chili pepper
1/2 tsp garlic powder
1 TBSP sugar
1/4 - 1/2 tsp kosher salt
ground pepper to taste

1/2 tsp dijon mustard
1 TBSP dark sesame oil
1 TBSP canola oil

3 Cuban L peppers, sliced
6-8 porcini mushrooms, sliced
1 green tomato, thinly sliced

1 TBSP sesame seeds

Simmer tangerine juice and brown sugar until slightly syrupy. Marinate tuna in this mixture for 15-20 minutes before cooking.

Combine water, rice vinegar, red chili pepper, garlic powder, sugar, kosher salt, ground pepper in large skillet over medium to high heat. Stir regularly until slightly syrupy and about 1/4 of water/vinegar mixture has cooked off. Combine dijon mustard, sesame oil and canola oil and add to mixture in skillet. Allow this mixture to simmer for about 3 minutes before adding tuna, saving tangerine/brown sugar mixture to baste tuna as it is cooking. Add Cuban L peppers and porcini mushrooms to skillet. Add tuna to skillet [medium heat], placing a thin layer of green tomato on top of tuna, turning tuna after 5 minutes. Add layer of tomato of other side of tuna and cook tuna on medium heat for another 5 minutes [cooks to medium, cool pink center]. Spread a fine layer of sesame seeds on top of tuna before serving.

[1/2 lb of Pappardelle's Basil Tangerine fettucine and edamame tossed with kosher salt & sesame oil and made a great side, in addition to a side of crushed pineapple.]

If you try this recipe out, be sure to tell me how it turns out for you!

Bon appetit!

• Harmoni, the FMF and Cypress Gardens

2008-05-19T20:58:00.002-07:00

On Friday night, my sister, our friend Tammy and I went over to Harmoni for dinner and drinks. In short review, their cheese course [appetizer] was fantastic, brie, manchego and something else I can't remember, but all three were phenomenal. Served with a tiny bit of sliced fruit, a raspberry puree (with the brie), and candied walnuts, this plate was the best part of the night. We ordered a bottle of the Hahn Meritage, always a good go-to wine on a night that you just want to enjoy a damn good bottle of wine. For dinner, I ordered a grilled salmon with pasta... somehow expecting a flavorful, fanciful meal. Everything else had gone well so far, but the meal itself was disappointing. It had a lot of fire and almost no flavor. The fish was vaguely fishy, shadowed by a lot of heat. Overall, a disappointment. I did, however, get to grab a bite of my sister's hamburger, which far out-shined the salmon plate. Cheers to good wine; it saves the day!

Saturday, I went over to the Florida Music Fesitval. I went to explore the bands, the connections, the people, the groupies, the industry panels. The bands? To be honest, they were great. I saw several and each and every one of them actually had an ounce of talent or more. It was great to see young kids doing so well, promoting themselves, pressing their own CDs, their own t-shirts. Makes me proud! [gag] On the other hand, the industry panels were thoroughly disappointing. I've been in this industry long enough to know that it takes a long time to get anywhere... you don't get paid... and you have to put up with a lot of shit. To be completely honest, they didn't have any other insight to offer. I felt bad for these kids; it's a farce to say that an internship will be your way into a job. It's a farce to say that it can still happen for you several years after you're out of college. There's nasty business in the music industry and while, no I don't think you should tell that to the kids, be honest. Tell the how you got there, what you did, how you started your own label, how you got into production, how you got into booking. These are things kids don't know. How do you approach industry pros who have your future in their hands? I think those are the questions I'd like kids to ask.

Sunday, the fam and I took a stroll down to Cypress Gardens. In its heyday, I'm sure it was a thriving and bustling amusement and theme park. To be honest, it was actually a pretty decent place. We got in for free with some passes from the Ginn Open and took a stroll around. The place was moderately busy, nothing like Disney on a spring day, and looked like it was in decent condition. On a sad note, many of the areas were closed down, closed early, had few employees working... the place didn't look dilapidated in any way, so it somewhat came as a surprise that so many areas of the park were closed down. We watched the waterski performance (lame), wandered around the Topiary Garden (awesome, if you ask me), the Botanical Gardens (lovely, but a lot of very strange dead ends to their pathways), headed for the Aviary only to discover it was closed... the Nature area was closed... We gave up after that and left the park. Sad, I think. It surely was something before Disney came and invaded its space.

Bizzy, bizzy weekend. I had a good time, took a break from some of the work I've been doing and had a good time. My father accepted a position in Washington, D.C. so it was great to get a chance to spend some quality time with my 'rents before they left town. I'm sure it will be a busy week of helping them pack up... [jealous].

I'll get out of here soon. [I hope.]

• Makeover

2008-05-19T20:25:00.001-07:00

Yah, show some love for the hot new makeover my blog just got.

Just goes to show that even a lazy bastard like me can get something done... eventually...

• Questionable Stuff

2008-05-18T18:33:00.003-07:00

I went to a second interview on Friday afternoon with a company... I wouldn't mind working for, honestly. They're a younger company with only about 8-10 employees who are doing very well, but they have some questionable issues that I'm not sure how to address at this point. I'm interviewing with the owner of the company and his director of operations... who is... 25? Maybe?

First of all, they aren't sure what to do with me. They want me to establish their marketing area in some capacity, but are hoping to have another guy who used to work for a competitor come in and direct that area. They kind of expect me to come in, learn about the company and then develop some marketing strategy. Great.

Secondly, the first thing they asked me to do in this role is "damage control with the distributors".

Oh, goodness.

"Sure, I can do that. No problem."

ADD kicks in, this guy spins around a million different directions, pauses, looks at me and asks, "Is there anything else? We should talk salary, shouldn't we?"

I pause, trying to gather my thoughts after his tirade of oral spewing about virtually nothing. I think to myself, I have to learn something about this company. I ask a few questions that give me a better idea what they earn annually, what their production costs are, etc. Estimated profit will be somewhere around $12M for 2008. Losses are around 2/3 that...

Sure.

He then hightails into salary-speak, saying, "You said you were looking for $40,000-$50,000? Yah, I'm not sure, you know, I'm not very comfortable putting you into a managerial position because you're kind of young-ish and right out of school, so how about we look at $40,000... or just under that to start you out."

There are so many things wrong with these statements that I can't even begin to fathom how to respond. I'm not right out of school. I worked for 5 years and finished my master's while I was working full time. I was making significantly more money in my previous job and expected a bit of a pay cut because of the difference in the cost of living from one state to another, and in actuality, I was a manager in my last position. I was the one planning work-flow, managing other employees, hiring and training new employees, supervising an entire area. Secondly, those things are illegal to say in an interview. Not just that, but the fact that those things came in direct correlation to what position he would want to put me into and how much he would like to pay me to do that job.

I've spent the entire weekend trying to decide how to respond to this. I feel that by taking the job, no questions asked, would put me in a position that would allow him to push me around because he thinks he can get away with this from day one. That's not okay with me. I don't want to come off as threatening in any way because then I'll still be SOL with no job in sight. I can do this job, do it well, and probably exceed his expectations in less than a month, but how do I let him know that these actions are not kosher in the business world? How do I say that this kind of attitude may have burnt the distributors, thus the need for "damage control"? Obviously it isn't easy to approach these things with someone who hasn't hired you yet, but how can I do this carefully after accepting the job? How can I get paid what I deserve? How can I make him feel like I'm help, assisting him to grow this business without pushing boundaries?

I'm so not cut out for this. My attitude is to push, push, push... which is really why I should run my own business... and stay there.

Any suggestions are welcomed and helpful. :) Cheers to a happy Sunday.

• Things you may not know about me

2008-05-14T17:31:00.003-07:00

1. I hate air conditioning.
2. I love waffles.
3. I gave up coffee for 8 years... fail [I was fine until I went into Dunkin Donuts again].
4. I have 'own my own business'. What the means, I'm still trying to figure out.
5. I am currently living with my sister for the first time in over 15 years. It's strange.
6. I spent 7 years bitching about how much I hated Boston, but would trade it in an instant for what I have now.
7. I really want to travel to Africa [again... Egypt barely counts].
8. I love cooking and am happy to cook for anyone willing to pay for ingredients. It is not a cheap hobby.
9. I am very sad when places I used to go to no longer exist and are replaced by something worthless.
10. I really, honestly like hardcore music [I know, it's weird].
11. When Twitter is broken, I blog a lot more.

• The Money Question

2008-05-14T16:37:00.003-07:00

Admittedly, this is my weakness in interviews.

"What kind of salary are you looking for here?"

I gag, I stammer, I flub, I make a hot mess out of my flawless interview when it comes to this question. As a result, I had to go back again and re-review what an appropriate response is when asked this question. I went back to the Brazen Careerist's blog [Penelope Trunk] for a reminder:

The answer to the toughest interview question

There’s a lot of advice on this blog about how to interview: Tell good stories, ask good questions, be a closer. But here’s only one most important thing to remember: when it comes to discussing your potential salary, never give the number first.

The right answer to the question, “What’s your salary range?” is almost always some version of “I’m not telling you.”

The person who gives the first number sets the starting point. But if that’s you, you lose. If you request a salary higher than the range for the job, the interviewer will tell you you’re high, and you’ve just lost money. If you request a salary lower than the range, the interviewer will say nothing, and you’ve just lost money.

So you can only hurt yourself by giving the first number. You want the interviewer to tell you the range for the position, because then you can focus on getting to the high end of that range. But you can’t work to the high point if you don’t know it.

So if there are two good salary negotiators in the room, it will be a game to see who has to give the first number. Fortunately, the company cannot make you an offer without also offering a salary, so the cards are stacked in your favor, as long as you hold your ground.

So here’s a list of responses for all the ways the interviewer will ask you how much money you expect to make. The more times you can fend off the question, the less likely you will have to be the one to give the first number. This works, even if you don’t have the upper hand and you really need the job.

What salary range are you looking for?
“Let’s talk about the job requirements and expectations first, so I can get a sense of what you need.” That’s a soft answer to a soft way to ask the question.

What did you make at your last job?
“This position is not exactly the same as my last job. So let’s discuss what my responsibilities would be here and then determine a fair salary for this job.” It’s hard to argue with words like “fair” and “responsibilities”—you’re earning respect with this one.

What are you expecting to make in terms of salary?
“I am interested in finding a job that is a good fit for me. I’m sure whatever salary you’re paying is consistent with the rest of the market.” In other words, I respect myself and I want to think I can respect this company.

I need to know what salary you want in order to make you an offer. Can you tell me a range?
“I’d appreciate it if you could make me an offer based on whatever you have budgeted for this position and we can go from there.” This is a pretty direct response, so using words like “appreciate” focuses on drawing out the interviewer’s better qualities instead of her tougher side.

Why don’t you want to give your salary requirements?
“I think you have a good idea of what this position is worth to your company, and that’s important information for me to know.” Enough dancing–this is one last attempt to force you to give the number first. Hold your line here and you win.

You can see the pattern, right? If you think you sound obnoxious or obstinate by not answering the question, think of how he feels asking the question more than once. The interviewer is just trying to get a leg up on you in negotiations. If you give in, you look like a poor negotiator, and the interviewer is probably not looking for someone like that.

So stand your ground, and understand that the interviewer is being as insistent as you are. And it might encourage you to know that research shows that if you mirror the behavior of the interviewer, you are more likely to get the job. Sure, this usually applies to tone of voice, level of enthusiasm, and body language, but who’s to say it doesn’t apply to negotiation tactics, too? Try it. You could come away lots richer.

• Past lives

2008-05-13T23:01:00.002-07:00

When something in life goes wrong, do you destroy all evidence of it? Do you tear it up, throw it away, rip it apart, destroy it in every manner possible, eeech, even delete it?!?!

I've recently discovered that I'm just not of that mindset. It's as if you're denying it ever happened, that there was a moment in your life (or many moments) that mistakes were made. It's as if you're denying the very existence of many things that make you who you are. I know that some things are painful, some memories are hard to take, but elimination of them in the physical sense probably means that it has made an indelible mark on your heart, a scar, a painful reminder every time the evidence crosses your path.

It's okay to embrace those things. To remind yourself that you are sorry, that other people are sorry, that mistakes have been made and it isn't anything new to human nature. More importantly, sometimes the reminder, physical or otherwise comes back around years later and you have to either run from it or embrace it when it stares you in the face. I wish that I, personally, had not made some of the selfish mistakes/decisions that I have in my life, that I could have refrained from hurting other people, the people who were closest to me, but for whatever reason, I couldn't and I'm sorry. I keep some physical reminders, actually... many. Everyone has the box in the back of the closet, in the basement, under the bed, hiding the evidence that someone may have loved you and then hurt you terribly. We hang on to things, we destroy things, we delete people from our lives and yet... how can we deny their existence in our lives? Can you? Would you?

Would you deny that someone in your life had ever been present? That they had had some kind of effect on your life and the person you have become?

Thank you to Rachael, for coming back around in my life. We made a lot of mistakes together and she still had the strength to come around and say that we could work it out as friends, almost 8 years later. You give me faith that even in my failures, I can hope that the foundation of my friendships might overcome the pain I have brought to many people in the past year.

• Quotable

2008-05-08T20:18:00.004-07:00

"What lies
behind us and
what lies
before us are
small matters
compared to
what lies
within us."

-Ralph Waldo Emerson

Image swiped from Apartment Therapy